Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Web sites. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Score: 49.3

Issues:

1. About 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

Partial revision:

I very much disagree with (the following statement) [ unclear ]. (Personally, I believe )[redundant  ]that modern electronics benefits educators rather than making their educating[ repetition ] task more difficult. Thus, I have( the following reasons to support my view)[ summarize the reasons in the first paragraph ].

Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Web sites. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

I very much disagree with the following statement[ what statement? ]. I believe that modern electronics benefits educators rather than making their educating task more difficult. Children can also take advantage of using electronics to enhance their study. Thus, I have the following reasons to support my view[ summarize reasons in the introductory paragraph ].

First, I think that educators will[ absolute statement – use conditional writing ] teach inefficiently without electronics in today’s world. Many professors assign homework or activities through emails or phone messages, and sometimes, students have to finish them online. The students need to check their electronics from time to time. In this case, it is not convenient enough for teachers and students to communicate with each other during the school break. Because of (different conditions today)[ unclear ], it easier to educate children because we[shift of person  ] spend time on electronics.

Second, I find that many students study online by spending time on YouTube or Google. [logically disconnected from the last sentence  ]The old traditional way of studying may not (be suitable for)[use active verb  ] a few students. Instead[ wrong transitory word ], online learning can be designed for any[absolute statement  ] specific student. It enables students to be well-prepared out of classes[word form error  ]. Also, the advantage of online learning can help students [ and to ] review or strengthen (the pivotal knowledge)[ unclear ]. Overall, it[minimize the use of IT IS…/unclear pronoun  ] is much easier for a teacher to educate them than in the past.

Yet, someone may argue that spending so [ wrong adverb ]much time on electronics damage [  grammatical error]children eyes and (cause children addicted)[ grammatical error ] to the internet. To protect children, teachers need to spend more time preventing them[unclear pronoun  ] from [using  ]the internet. But I maintain the view that we can solve it[ unclear pronoun ] by regulating the (electronic using time)[ unclear ] for children. As long as we make a thorough restriction on electronics, (the harm of spending so much time on electronics can be resolved)[ unclear ].

Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Web sites. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays, Teaching [ spelling error ] is connected with electronics so much that both teachers and students benefit from electronics [ unclear ] . Also, Children [ spelling error ] can take advantage of using electronics to enhance their study. Therefore, I believe that modern electronics benefits educators rather than making their educating task more difficult.

First, I think that educators will [absolute statement  ] teach efficiently with electronics [ unclear ] in today’s world. Using electronics [ unclear ] lets students and teachers communicate with each other efficiently at home. Thus [wrong transitory word  ] , many teachers I knew choose [ grammatical error ] to assign homework or activities through emails or phone messages, and sometimes, students have to finish them [ unclear pronoun ] online. According to what my mom said, in the past, some students often miss [grammatical error  ] the best time of study after school because they could not talk with their teachers. Thanks to electronics, teachers can teach their students on time now.

Second,( online study on electronics) [unclear  ] help [ grammatical error ] students improve, which makes educating less difficult. Not all students can adapt to the traditional way of learning [new idea introduced without preparation  ] . Moreover, online learning can be designed for a specific student, which serves as an alternative [unclear  ] . For example, many students study online by spending time on [ by watching ] YouTube or Google. It [ unclear pronoun ] enables students to review or strengthen what they have learned or missed in the classes. Thus [redundant  ] , because students can get well-prepared outside the classroom, spending time on electronics makes educating children easier.

Yet, someone may argue that spending too much time on electronics damages children’s eyes and causes children addicted [ grammatical error ] to the internet. To protect children, teachers need to spend more time preventing students from using the internet. But I maintain that we can [ grammatical error/subjunctive ] solve addiction of using the Internet [inconsistent spelling  ] by regulating children’s using time on the Internet. As long as we make a thorough restriction on electronics, the harm of spending so much time on electronics can be resolved.