A company is planning to spend money on improving employees’ work, enhancing employees’ efficiency using technology redesigning workplace providing spacious conference room.
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August 3, 2019 at 4:29 am
TOEFL Writing TOPIC: A company plans to spend money on improving employee’s work, which way do you think is better？Enhancing employee’s efficiency in using technology?Or redesigning the workplace to make it comfortable and providing more spacious conference room.
With the advent of technology world, various industries are facing with different challenges and opportunities. Owing to competition requirements, companies aim to survive in the revolutions should give the top priority to meet changing. In this way, companies should spend money on enhancing employee’s technological skills rather than redesigning the workplace to earn more.
High efficiency in using technological tools help workers reduce the working burden. Firstly, using technological tools helps employees free from trivial work. For example, electronic office makes paperless working reliable in all kinds of industries. It greatly saves people’s time on copying, binding or settling files and allows them to focus on something important. What’s more, e-office can schedule and setup tasks’ KPI for individual even groups, let alone check implementation and apportion tasks. As a result, with limited time and energy on trivial work, employee can keep wiser and passionate. After a short rest, they could allocate precious time and spirits on significant decision and creative tasks. This kind of work are always closely associated with the high production profit of company. So, companies should take using technology to reduce the working burden into consideration.
Using technology to replace some work for employee can reduce mistakes in working. Human beings are emotional animals, so employees’ working efficiency is always influenced by state of minds, even someone is sane. When people become angry, worried or impatient, he is more likely to make mistakes on working or fail in communicating. The consequences of these situations possibly bring unexpected loss to company, which might be disastrous in some special industries. For example, an employee in space agency miscalculate the parameter may induce a disaster to astronauts, as well as many innocent people. In this way, technology is the one who can keep dispassionate and rigorous all the way. Training employee to use technology also means restrain the possibility of going wrong, which is an effective way to limit the pecuniary loss.
August 4, 2019 at 2:01 amScore: 44.5
Suggestions for Improvement
- Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
Problems Highlight
With the advent of [ article error ] technology world[logical confusion ] , various industries are facing with [ preposition error ] different challenges and opportunities. [Wordy]Owing to competition requirements, companies aim to survive in the revolutions should give the top priority to meet changing[wrong word ] .[Wordy] In this way, companies should spend money on enhancing employee’s technological skills rather than redesigning the workplace to earn more.[Wordy/unclear]High efficiency in using technological tools help workers reduce the working burden. Firstly, using technological tools helps employees free from trivial work. For example,[ article error ] electronic office makes paperless working reliable in all[absolute expression ] kinds of industries. It [ unclear pronoun ] greatly saves people’s time on copying, binding or settling files and allows them to focus on something important. What’s more, e-office can schedule and setup tasks’ KPI for[ article error ] individual even groups, let alone check implementation and apportion tasks. [Wordy]As a result, with limited time and energy on trivial work, [ article error ] employee can keep wiser and passionate. After a short rest, they[unclear pronoun ] could allocate precious time and spirits on [article error ] significant decision and creative tasks. This kind of work are [ grammatical error ] always [absolute expression ] closely associated with the high production profit of [ article error ] company. So[ punctuation error with coordinating word ] , companies should take using technology to reduce the working burden into consideration.Using[repetition ] technology to replace some work for [ article error ] employee can reduce mistakes in working. Human beings are emotional animals, so employees’ working efficiency is always [absolute expression ] influenced by [ article error ] state of minds, even someone is sane. [Wordy]When people become angry, worried or impatient, he is more likely to make mistakes on working or fail in communicating. The consequences of these situations possibly bring unexpected loss to [ article error] company, which might be[ BE verb] disastrous in some special industries.[Wordy] For example, an employee in [article error ] space agency miscalculate [ grammatical error ] the parameter may induce a disaster to astronauts[ grammatical error] , as well as many innocent people. [Wordy/unclear]In this way, technology is the one who[wrong pronoun ] can keep dispassionate and rigorous all the way. Training employee to use technology also means restrain[ grammatical error ] the possibility of going wrong, which is an effective way to limit the pecuniary loss.[Wordy]Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision. Regards.
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Writing Tips
- Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement.
- ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context.
- BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children.
- COHERENCE: To improve the natural flow from one sentence to the other, make the subject of a sentence echo the subject, or the object, of the last sentence.
- COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses.
- Effectiveness: use verbs instead of BE+adjectives to improve effectiveness.
- Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes.
- It + Be + Verb: Wordy.
- Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true.
- NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test.
- PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine.
- Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase.
- Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood.
- There Be Sentence: Wordy
- Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them.
- Unparalleled Structure: use paralleled structures, including tense.
- VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified.
- WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.
August 31, 2019 at 7:36 amWith the advent of the technology society, numerous industries face new opportunities and challenges. Companies aim to survive in competition should give the top priority to adjust changes and meet technique requirements. In this way, companies who spend money on enhancing employee’s technological skills will earn more.
Using technical tools can reduce workers’ working burden and improve working efficiency. First of all, using some technological tools could free employees from trivial work. For instance, electronic office applications make paperless working reliable in most industries. These software applications greatly save people’s time on copying, binding and settling files. What’s more, e-office can schedule and setup tasks’ KPI to individual or groups, let alone check implementation and apportion tasks. With limited time and energy spending on trivial works, the employees can keep wise and passionate. After a short rest, the workers could allocate precious time and spirits on significant decision and creative projects. As we known, this kind of work is closely associated with the high production profit of business. So, companies should take using technology to reduce the working burden into consideration.
Replacing repetitive work with technology can also decrease mistakes and lessen loss. Human beings are emotional animals, so the state of minds employees frequently influence their working outcomes. Moreover, when people become impatient, worried or angry, he is more likely to make mistakes or fail in communicating. The consequences of these situations might bring unexpected loss for the company or induce irreparable results in some special industries. For example, imagine an automotive engineer miscalculated a parameter of the engine in a model of motorcycle owing to sleepiness. When he didn’t realize this error and continued submitting, company would produce numerous the cars of this type and sell out. Problematic vehicles might cause a disaster to not only the drivers who driving the cars but also their families. In this way, automatic computation and production can keep preciseness and accuracy all the way. Training employee to use technology also means restrain the possibility of going wrong, which is an effective way to limit the pecuniary loss.
September 2, 2019 at 9:12 pmScore: 44.9
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