Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now.

  • Elon
    University: Shanghai Jiao Tong University
    Nationality: China
    February 11, 2020 at 2:21 pm

    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now.

    Arguments always arises about the issue about whether  the celebrities should have more privacy or not, and opinions vary from person to person. From my perspective, it is reasonable for them to be endowed with this right.

    To begin with, famous ones’ private lives have already been put under the spotlight, which make the celebrities suffer from that. Needless to say, when  famous people walk in the street, chances are that they will be followed by a lot of reporters. This indeed makes them very uncomfortable. What is worse, even in some private occasions, they can also be spot by some other people. For example, I have just read a news from the website that a famous athlete was taken photos when he smoked in his house. For his style is a little ugly, there are many comments teasing him with some bad words. In fact, he did not do some wrong, but he still suffers a lot of cyber violence. Therefore, it is imperative to give them more privacy to allow them free from unjust cyber bullying.

    In addition, if they have more privacy, they will focus more attention on their enterprise, which helps them achieve more. Once the famous people are given more privacy, they would never worry about how to hide from reporters when they are shopping, whereas they can feel more free to have a good time with their friends and families, which helps them keep a more positive frame of mind. Because of this, they can be more vigorous and more willing to pay attention to their career, acting more professionally in a film, or performing better in a football match, instead of always bothering from hailstones of abuse.

    To sum up, it is reasonable for famous ones to have more privacy. This is because they have suffered a lot from cyber violence and they would make more progress with more privacy.

    February 11, 2020 at 10:19 pm

    Ungraded

    Issues:

    1. More than 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words; shorten/split them.
    2. More than 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.