Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now.

  • Ashley Lee
    University: Shenzhen University
    Nationality: China
    September 12, 2020 at 3:54 pm

    Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now.

    The development of the internet and social media has boosted the information spreading speed and also the development of paparazzi companies. In a time when celebrities’ love affair was constantly trending on social media, debates have raised about whether famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. As far as I am concerned, celebrities deserve to own more privacy.

    Celebrities are humans just like us that cherish private life. Do one favor being stared at when taking a shower at home? Will one favor when chatting happily with friends and suddenly found out there’s a stranger bugging outside the room? Every one of us would like our life to be not bothered and not interfered with, so as celebrities.

    Furthermore, over-exposure of private life may lead to serious mental health problems for the celebrity. When celebrities, being aware that his or her life has been thoroughly supervised and sometimes commented by either the fans or even the public, it is hard for them not to be cautious for the fear of making unintended mistakes. The severe stress of fearing to make mistakes exerted on the celebrity is highly likely to bring negative psychological influence.  Thus giving celebrity certain privacy may significantly alleviate the problem.

    Some may argue that both famous entertainers and athletes are social images having high influence, thus their private life should be placed under public inspection. The argument is partially true when the news was reported about celebrities taking drugs or committing crimes, celebrities with negative incidents are left a negative image from the public. However that still didn’t support the rationality of exposure of celebrities’ private life, more privacy deserves to be given to celebrities since they own the right of private life not interfered with.

    Though inevitably the public holds constant curiosity on the news regarding celebrities’ loving affairs, more attention should be freed by giving the celebrities the deserved right for more privacy.

    September 16, 2020 at 9:49 pm

     

    Score: 49.2

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

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