Some people believe famous people’s support for international aid organizations draws attention to problems. Others think celebrities make the problem less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people believe famous people’s support for international aid organizations draws attention to problems. Others think celebrities make the problem less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

  • lichunchuan
    University: Hull
    Nationality: china
    February 15, 2020 at 1:08 pm

    Some people believe famous people’s support for international aid organizations draws attention to problems. Others think celebrities make the problem less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

    With the negative influence of famous people’ behaviors exposed to our sight more frequently,more people are busy on criticizing the well-known’ s movement instead of discussing about problems.I disprove this opinion.

    On the positive side,once the international aid organization gain support from celebrities,some problems will soon be solved by a mass of people.For example,like some disasters,flooding,earthquake,with many stars announcement in public social network website,the establishment would be responded in the first place as well as acquire help and conscious from fans and general people.At the same time,like movie stars,they can frequently show in public awareness campaigns and TV shows surrounded by reporters.As they are appealing for help for those victims in disasters. most of citizens would donate money to some places in need for the sake of addressing global issues.

    On the negative side,some generals do not believe the super star will donate money to global establishment in order to help others or simply do it for public attention,with stars bad behaviour exposed.Citizens will then focus on criticizing and seeking for stars’ mistakes. Therefore,the real problems in website will less vital actually and may bring more negative effects. Some people firmly think that donation is celebrities responsibilities instead of theirs.

    In the conclusion,even though some bad behaviour on stars have been exposed in public,some global problems like disaster,flooding will be soon addressed because of the public attention and donation which stars brought.

    February 20, 2020 at 8:00 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Nearly 70% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. More than 30% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.