Some people argue that the government should not spend too much money building theatres and stadiums, because medical care and education are more important. 

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people argue that the government should not spend too much money building theatres and stadiums, because medical care and education are more important. 

  • zhangruijie
    University: East China Normal University
    Nationality: Chinese
    March 30, 2020 at 3:18 pm

    Some people argue that the government should not spend too much money building theatres and stadiums, because medical care and education are more important. 

    As an epidemic of Covid-19, a growing number of people emphasize the importance of medical care and education. Therefore, some folks arouse a heated debate whether the government should promote theatres and stadiums excessively. From my perspective, I disagree with the notion above for improvement of living standards, encouragement of cultural communication and push for the development of education and medical care.

    To begin with, going to theatres and stadiums satisfies people’s demand for life. Currently, with the advanced technology, it is no longer the times when people only cared about bread. Not only do they pursue health but enjoyment of mind as well.  The government has spared no efforts to building stadiums and theatres in anticipation of this. Stadiums provide them with professional coaches and facilities; Theatres with high-quality operas, such as ‘Cat’, ‘Hamlet’ and so forth.

    Furthermore, theatres and stadiums have become a symbol of a country’s culture. For example, as we all know, Broadway represents New York to great extent. So much so that it appeals to thousands of foreigners all over the world, encouraging cultural diversity in New York.

    Most importantly, construction of theatres and stadiums, in turn, plays a significant role in development of education and medical care. In terms of education, more and more educators advocate learning from life. For instance, an appreciation of musical opera will deepen the comprehension of beauty and humanity, while this is not necessarily easily achieved in class. Moreover, in terms of medical care, regular excise in the stadiums is the most economical way to keep healthy. As a result, people do not need to pay for extra medical care.

    In conclusion, though education and medical care are vital, the government cannot spend too much money building theatres and stadiumstoo much. If the government gave up investing theatres and stadiums, people in the country would feel bored enough, even become the lowest common denominator.

    March 31, 2020 at 1:55 am

    Score: 49.6

    Issues:

    1. About 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    zhangruijie
    University: East China Normal University
    Nationality: Chinese
    April 1, 2020 at 11:03 am

    revision:

    Because of an epidemic of Covid-19,a growing number of people emphasize the importance of medical care and education. From my perspective, I disagree with the notion for improvement of living standards, encouragement of cultural communication and push for the development of education and medical care.

    To begin with, going to theatres and stadiums satisfies people’s demand for life. Currently, with advanced technology, it is no longer the time when people merely cared about bread. Not only do they pursue health but enjoyment of mind as well. In anticipation of this, the government should launch recreational projects like theatres and stadiums. Stadiums provide consumers with professional coaches and facilities; theatres with high-quality operas, such as ‘Cat’, ‘Hamlet’ , and so forth.

    Furthermore, theatres and stadiums have become a symbol of culture. As we all know, Broadway represents New York to a great extent. So much so that it appeals to thousands of visitors all over the world, and encourages cultural diversity in New York.

    Most importantly, the construction of theatres and stadiums, in turn, plays a significant role in developing of education and medical care. For instance, more and more educators advocate learning from life. For their children, appreciating musical operas do help them comprehend beauty and humanity in the long run, which may be far from easy to achievein class. Likewise, with regard tomedical care, regular excise in the stadiums is the most economical way to keep healthy. As a result, medical resources can be saved and applied for urgent patients.

    In conclusion, the government cannot spend too much money building theatres and stadiums. Otherwise, people in the country would feel bored enough, and even become the lowest common denominator.

    zhangruijie
    University: East China Normal University
    Nationality: Chinese
    April 1, 2020 at 1:10 pm

    Revision 3:

    Because of an epidemic of Covid-19,a growing number of people emphasize the importance of medical care and education. From my perspective, I disagree with the notion for socialization, a landmark of a city and push for the development of education and medical care.

    To begin with, going to theatres and stadiums are socializing. People choose to do physical fitness with their friends or watch a new feature with families at times so as to strengthen harmonious relationships with others.

    Furthermore, theatres and stadiums have become a symbol of a city. As we all know, Broadway represents New York to a great extent. It appeals to thousands of visitors all over the world, and encourages cultural diversity in New York.

    Most importantly, the construction of theatres and stadiums, in turn, plays a significant role in developing of education and medical care. For instance, more and more educators advocate learning from life. For their children, appreciating musical operas do help them comprehend beauty and humanity in the long run, which may be far from easy to achieve in class. Likewise, with regard to medical care, regular excise in the stadiums is the most economical way to keep healthy. As a result, medical resources can be saved and applied for urgent patients.

    In conclusion, the government cannot spend too much money building theatres and stadiums. Otherwise, citizens would be bored and cities would lose a distinctive feature.

    April 4, 2020 at 1:06 am

    Score: 54.5

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.