Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive. Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation’s cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. GRE Writing Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive. Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation’s cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

  • zhousiyu
    University: Tongji University
    Nationality: China
    September 17, 2020 at 2:39 pm

    Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive. Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation’s cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

    The speaker believe that most cultural traditions are produced and preserved in cities, so that it is obligatory for governments to guarantee enough financial assistance for cities to enable them prosper. Although part of cultures are actually inherited by urban population, I basically disagree the speaker’ s perspective for the reason of the fact that many other cultures are retained in rural areas as well as culture conservation is often not the only reason or priority for governments to determine funding.

    First of all, admittedly, there exist several cultural traditions retained in cities, especially those who have rich history backgrounds. This is because that cultural traditions need people to inherit, and cities often have huge and stable population, which provides an environment for cultural traditions to be passed down. For instance, Beijing Opera, as a main recreation for people of Beijing since ancient time, has been preserved and imparted from generation to generation. Another typical example is quadrangle, which is a symbol of Chinese cultural tradition and still pervasive in Beijing as local people’s residence. In short, several cultural traditions are generated and preserved in cities where there are large amounts of people to facilitate the cultural conservation.

    While some cultural traditions are retained in cities, there are also many other cultures rooting in rural areas, and therefore governments are supposed to seek for a balance of financial. Many Egyptian cultural inheritances, such as pyramids, are scattered in no man’s land or countryside. Moreover, in some countries advocating Buddhism, such as Japanese and China, temples are in most cases located in mountains due to their pursuit for free from human desires and passions. For these cultural traditions, they also need adequate financial aid from countries to survive and develop, and as a result, how to balance the intensity of funding should be considered carefully by governments.

    Finally, and perhaps more importantly, Even if cultural traditions are primarily preserved and generated in cities, it is also arbitrary to suggest that governments must give enough financial aid for cultural conservation because there are usually other important factors when governments determine to give pecuniary support. Cities’ employment situation, economic development, education, etc are all supposed to be calculated carefully, otherwise only one-sided consideration may cause mismatches between requirement and funding. For example, it is obviously unnecessary to heavily subsidize emerging cities like Shenzhen, who have little cultural accumulation but emphasize economic and technological progress, for cultural development. Accordingly, governments are more supposed to support cities having strong historical or cultural backgrounds to save and spread their local cultural traditions.

    In the final analysis, Even though it is an indisputable fact that a lot of cultural traditions origin and develop in cities, governments cannot philosophically justify assisting large cities for the purpose of either promoting or preserving the nation’s cultural traditions for the sake that not all cultural traditions are saved in cities, and Moreover, assisting large cities should take account for more other decisive factors and different cities’ situation and requirement.

    September 30, 2020 at 7:41 pm

    Score: 22.2

    Issues:

    1. About 85% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 65% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.