Governments should charge people money for driving into busy places like city centers during rush hours.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Governments should charge people money for driving into busy places like city centers during rush hours.

  • Rayyc
    University: NJUPT
    Nationality: China
    January 24, 2021 at 2:12 am

    Governments should charge people money for driving into busy places like city centers during rush hours.

    With the development of people’s living standards, a private car is no longer unaffordable stuff for most families and individuals in our country. However, the growing number of vehicle ownership inevitably leads to an increasing number of traffic jams on the road, especially during rush hours. Opinions are divided on whether governments should charge citizens’ money for driving into busy places like city centers during rush hours. From my perspective, I agree with the statement.

    First of all, charging cars for entering busy places helps a lot to relieve traffic pressure. In order to save money, drivers tend to avoid places charging fees. They will consider alternate routes which may take a little more time but is free. Besides, although some ways to his or her destination are longer, there are not so many cars. So chances are that choosing another way is actually faster compared with trapping oneself in crowded streets for hours. Thus, not only has the number of cars on the main streets declined but also other roads get fully used. As a result, traffic congestions during rush hours can be witnessed less frequently.

    Secondly, the policy can help protect the environment. If people want to go to busy places, they are more willing to take public transportation such as buses and subways instead of paying money but still enduring traffic jams, which contributes to lower emission of greenhouse gases like carbon dioxide.

    Finally, the extra revenue can be utilized to improve the traffic infrastructure. Considering that there are still many cars rushing into congested streets like shopping centers or tourist attractions, the revenue gained from charging cars driving into there will not be a small number. Governments can use that money to maintain the road, broaden the street, decorate the sidewalk, construct more highways and so no. Consequently, traffic infrastructure will be improved and the transportation system will be more completed as well.

    In conclusion, with the benefits of traffic pressure relief, environmental friendliness, and more government revenue, charging people money for entrance into busy streets during rush hours can lead citizens to better-living conditions.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 26, 2021 at 10:55 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. About 30% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. 

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Rayyc
    University: NJUPT
    Nationality: China
    January 27, 2021 at 11:47 am

    With the development of people’s living standards, a private car is no longer unaffordable for most families and individuals in our country. However, the growing number of vehicle ownership leads to more frequent traffic jams on roads. To solve the problem, governments plan to charge people money for driving into busy places during rush hours. Opinions are divided on this policy. From my perspective, I agree with the policy.

    First of all, charging cars for entering busy places helps to relieve traffic pressure. To save money, drivers tend to avoid places charging fees. They will consider alternate routes which may take a little more time but are free. Besides, although some ways to their destinations are longer, the road will be much less crowded. Chances are that choosing another way is actually more time-saving than trapping oneself in crowded streets for hours. Thus, the number of cars on the main streets will decline and other roads can get fully used. As a result, traffic congestions during rush hours can be witnessed fewer.

    Secondly, the policy could help protect the environment. Suppose some people want to go to busy places. In that case, they are more willing to take public transportation such as buses and subways instead of paying money for driving there. With fewer private cars on roads, the emission of pollution gases like carbon dioxide could decrease.

    Finally, governments could invest more in improving traffic infrastructure. Considering lots of cars rushing into busy streets like shopping centers or tourist attractions, the money gained from drivers is not a small amount. Governments could utilize the extra revenue to maintain roads, broaden streets, and construct highways, thus contributing to a more completed traffic system.

    In conclusion, with the benefits of traffic pressure relief, environmental friendliness, and more government revenue, charging for entrance into busy streets during rush hours can lead citizens to better-living conditions.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 27, 2021 at 10:21 pm

    With[unclear preposition  ] the development[wrong word  ] of people’s living standards, a private car (is no longer unaffordable)[becomes affordable  ] for most families and individuals in our country[China  ]. However, the[ change the word to form better organic connection with the last sentence ] growing number of vehicle ownership[ word form error ] leads [has led  ]to more frequent traffic jams on roads. To solve the problem, governments [ confusing/the central government of Chna or the local governments in China? Differentiate singular or plural nouns in different contexts ]plan to charge people (money)[redundant  ] for driving into (busy places)[irrelevant to the topic  ] during rush hours. Opinions are divided on this policy. From my perspective, I agree with the policy. [ state clearly YOUR views ][ The first paragraph is lengthy, wordy, boring and irrelevant to the topic. ]

    First of all, (charging cars)[ logical confusion/ would cars pay you? ] for entering busy places[repetition  ] helps to relieve traffic pressure. To save money, drivers tend to avoid [ paying ]places charging fees [in certain places,   ]. They [ drivers ]will[absolute statement – change to conditional writing  ] consider alternate [ free ]routes which may take a little more time but are free. Besides, although some ways[routes  ] to (their) destinations are longer, the road[change of subject affecting coherence/this subject doesn’t correlate to THEIR  ] will be much [ use conditional writing ]less crowded. Chances are that choosing another way is[ use conditional writing ] actually[redundant adverb  ] more time-saving than trapping oneself in crowded streets for hours. Thus, the number of cars on the [ article error ]main streets will[use conditional writing  ] decline[punctuation error with coordinating conjunctions  ] and other roads can get fully used. As a result, traffic congestions during rush hours can be witnessed fewer[passive/confusing  ].

    Secondly, the policy[unclear/what policy?  ] could help protect the environment. (Suppose some people want to go to busy places. In that case, they are more willing to take public transportation such as buses and subways instead of paying money for driving there.)[ confusing ] With fewer private cars on roads, the emission of pollution [ emissions of pollutive ]gases like carbon dioxide could[/would  ] decrease.

    Finally, governments[world form error  ] could invest more in improving traffic infrastructure.[ poor topic sentence that fails to echo the thesis ] Considering[wrong word that logically fails to connect to ‘the money’  ] lots of cars rushing into busy streets[ wrong word ] like shopping centers or tourist attractions, the money gained from drivers is not a small amount. Governments [ word form error ]could utilize the extra revenue[ word form error ][specifify where the revenues come from  ] to maintain roads, broaden streets, and construct highways, thus contributing[ensuring  ] to a more completed [ productive ]traffic system.

    In conclusion, with[ unclear preposition ] the benefits of traffic pressure relief, environmental friendliness, and more [increased/grown  ]government revenue[word form error  ], charging for entrance into busy streets during rush hours can( lead citizens to better-living conditions)[ confused ].