Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

  • weizhuo
    University: SISU
    Nationality: China
    March 5, 2020 at 1:02 pm

    Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

    Nowadays some people hold the view that it’s more necessary for the government to spend money on railways rather than roads. I totally agree with this idea.

    With more money invested in railways, the speed of railways and the level of comfort can be raised, which may contribute to more efficient life.  For example, it only takes about five hours by high-speed railway from Shanghai to Beijing. Some business people don’t need to spend much time on the way or waiting at the airport. Also, the comfort zone makes it possible to handle official business. Therefore, they can generate more profits in less time.

    In addition, if the government spends more money on railways than roads, there will be more railways and people will tend to go out by railway. This can result in less pollution. As we all know, air pollution is a great problem in China. And most of the air pollution is caused by cars on roads. It is better to solve it from the source rather than treat it after the sky has been polluted.

    What’s more, if the government contributes money to constructing more railways which reach abroad, it can be beneficial to international trade. More exported and imported goods lead to the sustainable development of Chinese economy and satisfy people’s needs . For instance, railways between China and Europe have been built, which promote ecnomic and trade cooperation between China and Europe.

    In conclusion, the goverment should no doubt spend money on railways because of its enviromental and economic benefits.

     

     

    March 10, 2020 at 1:24 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    weizhuo
    University: SISU
    Nationality: China
    March 10, 2020 at 9:32 pm

    Nowadays people tend to think it necessary for the government to spend more money on railways rather than roads. I agree with this idea.

    With more money invested in railways, it’s likely to raise the speed and comfort level of railways. This may contribute to a more efficient life. For example, it only takes about five hours by high-speed railway from Shanghai to Beijing. Some business people don’t need to spend much time on the way or waiting at the airport. Also, the comfort zone makes it possible to handle official business, so they can generate more profits in less time.

    Besides, there will be more railways to almost all the destinations if railways are developed by the government. In this case, people tend to go out by railway, which can reduce the pollution. As we all know, air pollution is an increasing problem in China. And most of the air pollution is caused by cars on roads. It’s better to solve it from the source rather than treat it after we have polluted the sky.

    What’s more, it’s beneficial for international trade if the government invests in railways which reach abroad. There will be more exported and imported goods, which will lead to the sustainable development of the Chinese economy and meet people’s needs. For instance, the government has built railways between China and Europe, which promotes economic and trade cooperation.

    In conclusion, there is no doubt that the government should spend more money on railways because of its environmental and economic benefits.

    March 17, 2020 at 2:12 am

    Score: 71.8

    Final Revision

    Issues: Excessive use of passive voices.

    Nowadays people tend to think it [ grammatical error ]necessary for the government to spend more money on railways rather than roads. I agree with this idea.

    [ missing transitory word/phrase ]With more money invested in railways, it’s[  informal writing] likely to raise the speed and comfort level of railways. This[unclear pronoun  ] may contribute to a more efficient life. For example, it only takes about five hours by high-speed railway from Shanghai to Beijing. Some business people don’t need to spend much time on the way or waiting at the airport. Also, the comfort zone makes it possible to handle official[unclear  ] business, so they[unclear pronoun  ] can generate more profits in/within less time.

    Besides, there will be more railways to almost all the destinations if railways are developed by the government[grammatical error with subjunctive voice  ]. In this case, people tend to go out by railway, which can reduce the[ article error ] pollution. As we all know, air pollution is an increasing problem in China. [ punctuation error with coordinating word ]And most of the air pollution is caused by cars on roads[passive  ]. It’s[informal writing  ] better to solve it from the source rather than treat it after we have polluted the sky.

    What’s more, it’s[ informal ] beneficial for international trade if the government invests in railways which/that reach/could extend abroad. There will be more exported and imported goods, which will lead to the sustainable development of the Chinese economy and meet people’s needs. For instance, the government[ specify ] has built railways between China and Europe, which promotes economic and trade cooperation.

    In conclusion, there is no doubt that the government should spend more money on railways because of its environmental and economic benefits.