Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

  • Bigfacedog
    University: wuhan university of technology
    Nationality: China
    May 13, 2020 at 3:46 pm

    Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

    A hotly debated issue concerning whether governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams appears on some media recently . During the discussion , people hold divergent views . In my opinion I disagree that the government should spend more money in support of the arts .

    First of all , the athletics is very important to people’s health and having a healthy body is an essential prerequisite for a happy life . It seems to me that people who exercise regularly can not only having a healthy body and mind which can let them enjoy their life better , but also improve their working and studying efficiency . My own experience is a compelling example of this . When I was a freshman in the university , I was addicted to computer games and often stayed up late playing mobile phone . This let me health and study became very poor and doing anything without spirit . In my sophomore year , I realized I couldn’t do this anymore so I began to doing exercise everyday which in order me to having a healthy lifestyle . Finally became motivated to live and my academic performance has also improved a lot . This example demonstrates how important the athletics can be for ordinary people .

    Second , spending money in support of state-sponsored Olympic teams can present a good national image in the world and arouse the patriotic enthusiasm of the people . For example , the Chinese national sports team’s perfect performance at the Beijing Olympic let the whole nation be proud of , and the perfect hosted of 2008 Beijing Olympic games let world had a new understanding of China . It had even helped China’s economy .

    In conclusion , I disagree that the government should spend more money in support of the arts than in the athletics . Because it’s not only benefit ordinary people , bu also can benefit a country a lot .

    May 13, 2020 at 10:47 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 45% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words. 

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Bigfacedog
    University: wuhan university of technology
    Nationality: China
    May 14, 2020 at 2:10 pm

    A hotly debated issue concerning whether governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics appears on some media recently. During the discussion, people hold divergent views. From my personal perspective, I disagree that the government should spend more money in support of the arts.

    First of all, the physical exercise are very important to people’s health and having a healthy body is an essential prerequisite for a happy life. It seems to me that people who exercise regularly can not only having a healthy body and mind, but also improve their working and studying efficiency. My own experience is a compelling example of this. When I was a freshman in the university, I was addicted to computer games and often stayed up late playing mobile phone. This let me feel exhausted everyday and I can’t concentrate on my study. In my sophomore year, I realized I must made some changes so I started going to bed early and getting up early to have a healthy lifestyle. I also did some long-distance race on the school playground every night to strength my physical quality. Finally I felt energetic in daily life and my academic performance has also improved a lot.

    Second, spending money in support of national sports team can present a good national image in the world and arouse the patriotic enthusiasm of the people. For example, the whole nation are proud of the Chinese national sports team’s perfect performance at the Beijing Olympic Games. When I saw my national teams won the gold medal, I was happy like I won that medal. Also the successful of 2008 Beijing Olympic games let world had a new understanding of China. It even accelerated the Chinese economy boom.

    In conclusion, I think that the government should spend money in support of the athletics. Because it’s not only benefit ordinary people, but also can benefit a country a lot.

    May 15, 2020 at 10:53 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. More than 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. More than 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90- words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Bigfacedog
    University: wuhan university of technology
    Nationality: China
    May 16, 2020 at 2:36 am

    A hotly debated issue concerning whether governments should spend more money supporting the arts than in athletics or not is appears on some media recently. During the discussion, people hold divergent views. From my perspective, I disagree that the government should spend more money supporting the arts.

    First of all, doing sports is an important essential prerequisite for a happy life. I believe that people who exercise regularly can not only have a healthy body, but also improve their studying efficiency. My own experience is a compelling example of this. When I was a freshman in the university, I often stayed up late playing mobile phone. This let me feel exhausted everyday and I can’t concentrate on my study. Then I realized I should make some changes. I started going to bed early and getting up early to have a healthy lifestyle. I also played footballs on the school playground every night to improved my physical quality. After few months, I felt energetic in daily life and my academic performance has also improved a lot.

    Second, spending money supporting the national sports team can present a good national image in the world. For example, the whole nation was proud of the Chinese national sports team’s perfect performance at the Beijing Olympic Games. When I saw my national teams won the gold medal, I was happy like I won that medal. Also the success of Beijing Olympic games let the world had a new understanding of China. It even accelerated the Chinese economic boom.

    In conclusion, I think that the government should spend money in support of the athletics. Because it’s not only benefit ordinary people, but also can benefit a country a lot. For the ordinary people they will have a healthy body and a good relationship with others by doing sports, and countries will have a good national impressions in the internationally community also accelerate its economy.

    May 18, 2020 at 2:08 am

    Score: ungraded

    (A hotly debated issue concerning whether governments should spend more money supporting the arts than in athletics or not is appears on some media recently.) [ How do you know it is a heated debate? Where did you learn that? Don’t fabricate things conflicting with truth.  ]  (During the discussion, people hold divergent views. From my perspective, I disagree that the government should spend more money supporting the arts.) [ use your own words to write  ] 

    First of all, doing sports is an important essential [ two words mean the same  ]  prerequisite for a happy life. I believe that people who exercise regularly can not only have a healthy body, [ punctuation error  ]  but also improve [ imbalanced structure  ]  their studying efficiency. My own experience is a compelling example of this. When I was a freshman in the university, I often stayed up late playing mobile phone. This let me feel exhausted everyday and I can’t concentrate on my study. Then I realized I should make some changes. I started going to bed early and getting up early to have a healthy lifestyle. I also played footballs on the school playground every night to improved my physical quality. After few months, I felt energetic in daily life and my academic performance has also improved a lot.

    Second, spending money supporting the national sports team can present a good national image in the world. For example, the whole nation was proud of the Chinese national sports team’s perfect performance at the Beijing Olympic Games. When I saw my national teams won the gold medal, I was happy like I won that medal. Also the success of Beijing Olympic games let the world had a new understanding of China. It even accelerated the Chinese economic boom.

    In conclusion, I think that the government should spend money in support of the athletics. Because it’s not only benefit ordinary people, but also can benefit a country a lot. For the ordinary people they will have a healthy body and a good relationship with others by doing sports, and countries will have a good national impressions in the internationally community also accelerate its economy.


    You need to spend more time rewriting your essay. 

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