Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

  • Kristen
    University: Huazhong University of Science and Technology
    Nationality: China
    February 26, 2021 at 9:40 am

    Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

    Some people think that arts are much more attractive, so government should spend more money to support them. Despite there are many people insist this view, I still disagree with the statement. I will only provide you two vital reasons because the length of the essay is limited.

    To begin with, government should let their people know that sport is a very beneficial way to exercise bodies. To reach the object, spending more money on the athletics is worth. This practice will make people pay more attention on exercise. The importance the country attaches to sports will encourage people to do more exercise such as riding bikes, running or something else. In this case, our country will have more people with excellent physical fitness.

    Secondly, athletes have to go to the sport meet. And as we all know, only when the governments spend more money on athletics can athletes win medals back. For instant, when the China was just founded, the Chinese could not compete with other countries in sports events. The basic reason was that the government did not allocate enough money to athletics at that time. As a result, athletes could not afford experienced teachers or advanced equipment, which lead to our athletics become impossible to compete with the developed countries. But now our country is paying more and more attention to sports and allocating much money on it. Therefore, our country can get so many medals in various fields of sports.

    At the same time, I know that art also needs to spend money to develop. But after all, it is only suitable for a few people. And there is also no need to encourage everyone to learn it. Hence, the country should not put the main energy and money on it. On the contrary, if the funds are used for athletics, it is good for the country and the people.

    February 26, 2021 at 5:06 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Lots of grammatical errors;
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
    3. Remove the last sentence in the first paragraph.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.