Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

  • aggieC13
    University: Beijing Foreign Studies University
    Nationality: Chinese
    November 19, 2020 at 6:09 pm

    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    There is no doubt that the human race seeks after the meaning of existence by appreciating the arts. From the renaissance to modern society, people never stop pursuing art masterpieces. However, it will be unfair to say that the arts are superior to athletics since athletics are of great significance that cannot be underestimated.

    Primarily, athletics, physical sports and games of any kind, are physically and mentally vital to our health. This means that we improve our physical conditions and get enjoyment out of it. For instance, I personally enjoy going to the gym and weightlifting is one of my favorite sports. By lifting heavy weights, I become stronger while maintaining a good body shape which in turn makes me more self-assured. Gym is also a place where I can ease my stress and get refreshments because it allows me to escape from my exhausting workload in daily life. If government spent more money in support of building up gyms, it would be more convenient for people to go there and exercise. As a result, the overall health level of the public will gradually increase.

    In addition, athletics are beneficial to the development of people’s socialization. People learn how to cope with each other by playing sports like American football because everyone has his or her own role in the game. Meanwhile, the players enhance their ability to work as a team. Through cooperating tacitly and harmoniously with teammates, people improve their interpersonal skills that are crucial to their career. Besides, the spirit of competition cultivated by athletics gives a chance to people to grow their capability in a way that they would never expect from doing other activities like, say, arts.

    Admittedly, there is no denying that arts are by all means irreplaceable. But in terms of everyday life, there are relatively few people who can truly get involved in arts. Compared to athletics, arts need people to acquire more techniques to receive benefits, whereas the fruitful result of athletics is more direct and obvious.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    November 20, 2020 at 4:55 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. Article errors
    3. Wordy – remove unnecessary words and simplify sentences

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.