Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

  • Alex Yang
    University: Beijing University of Posts and Telecommunications
    Nationality: China
    December 15, 2020 at 2:07 pm

    Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    It could be a controversial topic when it comes to select one of the athletics and the arts to sponsor as the former represents the physical health of a nation while the latter represents the height of a nation’s spirit.And from my own perspective,they should be treated in the same way for they have contributed to a nation in their own domain.

    First of all,as the founder of the people’s republic of china,Mao zedong has once said,’the body is the base of the revolution.’No one can deny that one’s all achievements and wealth are all in vain once his body collapses.In spite citizens spontaneous enthusiasm toward the sports,the government’s support is indispensable too for it can motivate its people to embrace sports by the propaganda of its athletes’ glorious performances on the competition such Olympic teams.For example,once my mother had witnessed Liu Xiang,a famous runner get a gold medal in Olympic game at 2008,he changed his once contemptuous attitude toward sports and encourage me to exercise more.That is just a personal example but it shows a exemplar’s strength once he established his prestige.

    On the other hand,we can not neglect the artists because they exhibit our nation’s culture and value view and they are the business card of the country.Just as we think of British when other mentions Shakespeare and think of the US when other mentions Mark Twain,the masterpieces of these artists,no matter novels or paintings,distinguish their motherland from other countries.As the time goes by,the buildings will collapse,the fashion will change,but people will always recognize the characteristic of their work and thus delineate the figure of their nation.

    Considering the two aspects I just list,the arts and and athletics are of the same importance.A healthy nation will not lack anyone of them just like a healthy man can not give up using one of his legs.A nation underscore the athletics while spurn at the arts will turn to barbarous and a nation embrace the arts while not blessed with the sports talent will become feckless and consequently vulnerable to invasion.

    Bearing the merits of both the arts and athletics,I can’t render my definitely support to either of them as it will be a tendentious action.That’s why I advocate the government equally gives it sponsor to both of them.

     

     

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 15, 2020 at 5:42 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 100% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Most of them are unnecessarily lengthy. Simplify or split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. In consideration of sentence coherence, the subject of a sentence better echoes the subject, or the object, of the prior sentence. The subject of a passive sentence, however, often fails to do so, which severely damages the logical flow between sentences.
    3. Lengthy essay. Shorten your essay to 300 – 320 words.
    4. Lots of grammatical errors.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Alex Yang
    University: Beijing University of Posts and Telecommunications
    Nationality: China
    December 17, 2020 at 8:51 am

    It could be a controversial topic when it comes to select one of the athletics and the arts to sponsor.The former represents the physical health of a nation and the latter represents the height of a nation’s spirit. From my perspective, due to their contribution to a nation, we should treat them in the same way.

    First of all, one’s all achievements and wealth are all in vain once his body collapse. In spite of citizens’ spontaneous enthusiasm toward the sports, the government’s support is indispensable too. As is known to all, athletes’ glorious performances on the international competition, can motivate people to embrace sports. For example, once my mother had witnessed Liu Xiang, a famous runner got a gold medal in Olympic game at 2008, she changed her contemptuous attitude toward sports and encouraged me to exercise more. That is a example which shows a exemplar’s strength once he received help from the government and established his prestige.

    On the other hand, we can not neglect the artists because they exhibit our nation’s culture and value view. Just as we think of British when other mentions Shakespeare and think of the US when other mentions Mark Twain. The masterpieces of these artists, no matter novels or paintings, distinguish their motherland from other countries. As time goes by, the buildings will collapse, the fashion will change, but people will always recognize the characteristic of their work and thus delineate the image of their nation. The government’s support doesn’t merely mean the temporary fund providing, but also ensure the preservation of the artists’ work, thus could be imperative to boost the cultural prosperity.

    Bearing the merits of both the arts and athletics and try to avoid being tendentious, I can’t render my definitely support to either of them. So I advocate the government equally gives sponsor to both of them.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 18, 2020 at 2:08 am

    It[unclear pronoun/wordy  ] could be a controversial topic when it [unclear pronoun/wordy  ]comes to select[grammatical error  ] (one of the athletics and the arts to sponsor_[ unclear ].The former [ unclear ]represents the physical health of a nation and the latter represents[repetition  ] the (height of a nation’s spirit)[ unclear ]. From my perspective, due to their[unclear pronoun  ] contribution[ word form error ] to a nation, we should treat them[unclear pronoun  ] in the same way.

    First of all, one’s all achievements and wealth are all in vain once his body collapse. In spite of citizens’ spontaneous enthusiasm toward the sports, the government’s support is indispensable too. As is known to all, athletes’ glorious performances on the international competition, can motivate people to embrace sports. For example, once my mother had witnessed Liu Xiang, a famous runner got a gold medal in Olympic game at 2008, she changed her contemptuous attitude toward sports and encouraged me to exercise more. That is a example which shows a exemplar’s strength once he received help from the government and established his prestige.

    On the other hand, we can not neglect the artists because they exhibit our nation’s culture and value view. Just as we think of British when other mentions Shakespeare and think of the US when other mentions Mark Twain. The masterpieces of these artists, no matter novels or paintings, distinguish their motherland from other countries. As time goes by, the buildings will collapse, the fashion will change, but people will always recognize the characteristic of their work and thus delineate the image of their nation. The government’s support doesn’t merely mean the temporary fund providing, but also ensure the preservation of the artists’ work, thus could be imperative to boost the cultural prosperity.

    Bearing the merits of both the arts and athletics and try to avoid being tendentious, I can’t render my definitely support to either of them. So I advocate the government equally gives sponsor to both of them.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 18, 2020 at 2:13 am

    Partial revision [All sentences contain errors/problems.]