At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Score: 65.4

Problems Highlight

The population problem has become serious [Wrong word]these years. Nearly every country tends to decline the average age of people. Meanwhile, some reviews think the increasing number of young adults can lead to multiple social problems than older people. [Verbose]Generally, I agree with the first view.

In the first place, young adults are more able to drive the macro-economy. Obviously, young people appear more demand for consumption than older adults; thus they are concern [grammatical error]about working. In this condition, most young men work untill [wrong spelling]midnight for a quiker [wrong spelling]promotion, and[grammatical error] spend their salary on houses, trips and entertaining, etc. Finally [punctuation error]it increase [grammatical error]GDP from both sides. [Verbose]Besides, it helps save tons of money for financial departments, since the youth remain less need for social welfare. Instead, the government has to pay a lot for children and the old in education and medical care.

Although a world full of young humans is not quite perfect, the key point is that social problem is easy to solve. Some may propose that the increasing number of young people will aggravate employment pressure. However, reports show the number of innovation people under 30 is times of that of older adults. Actually, [Unnecessary adverb]there is a trend that young innovation companies are offering hundreds of jobs today. As a result, young companies have reconstructed many kinds of industries by developing technology and management.[Verbose]

In conclusion, the young generation represents the future of a nation in all aspects. More important is that they are willing to reform the old stubborn rules and run for better achievement.

Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted. Please revise and resubmit your essay for reviewing and revision. 

Score: 68.6

Problems Highlight

The population problem has been argued [Passive] for several years. Nearly every country tends to decline the average age of people. Meanwhile, some reviews think young adults cause a variety of social problems than older people. Generally, I agree with the first view.

In the first place, young adults are more able to drive the macro-economy. Obviously, young people appear more demands for consumption than older adults; thus they are quite concerned about working. [Verbose] In this condition, most young men work until midnight for promotion. At the same time, they spend their salary on houses, trips and entertaining, etc. Finally, it[Unclear Pronoun] increases GDP from both sides. Besides, it[Unclear Pronoun] helps save tons of money for financial departments[Punctuation error], since the youth remain less need[Wrong word] for social welfare. Instead, governments have to pay a lot for children and[wrong coordinating word] the old in education and medical care.

Although a world full of young humans is not quite perfect, the key point is that the social problem is easy to solve. Some may propose that the increasing number of young people will aggravate employment pressure. However, reports show the number of innovation[wrong word] people under 30 is times of that of older adults. Therefore, it is a trend that young innovation[wrong word] companies are offering hundreds of jobs today. As a result, those new companies have reconstructed many kinds of industries by hiring well-educated young people.

In conclusion, the young generation represents the future of a nation in all aspects. More important is that they are willing to reform the old stubborn rules and run for better achievement[Word form issue].

Comment: There are more issues than those highlighted. Revise and resubmit your essay. 

Final Edit

The population problem has existed for decades and seems to become more serious day after day. At present, there is commonly a decline in the average age of people in nearly every country tends to decline the average age of people. However, some reviews/people/observers think young adults cause a greater/larger variety of social problems than older men. Generally, I agree with the first view.

In the first place, young adults are more able to drive the macro-economy. Obviously, young people appear to consume more/ to demand more consumer items more demands for consumption than older adults. Therefore, they are quite concerned about working. In this condition, most young men work until midnight for promotion. At the same time, they spend their salaries salary on houses, trips and entertaining, etc. Finally, young adults increase the GDP from both sides. Besides, young people help save tons of money for the financial department, since the youth have remain less demand for social welfare. Instead, governments have to spend a lot on for old men, and children‘s on education and medical care.

Although a world full of young humans is not quite perfect, the key point is that the social problem is easy to solve. Some may propose that the increasing number of young people will aggravate employment pressure. However, reports show that most innovators are under 30 the number of pioneers under 30 is times of that of older adults. Therefore, it is a trend that young companies are offering hundreds of jobs today. As a result, those new companies have reconstructed/restructured many kinds of industries by hiring well-educated young people.

To sum up, the young generation represents the future of a nation. They provide power to drive this world in all aspects, including the economy, culture and society. It is even more More important is that they are willing to reform the old stubborn rules and work for a better future.