High school requires students (aged 16-17) to choose an activity to attend in the summer holiday

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing High school requires students (aged 16-17) to choose an activity to attend in the summer holiday

  • NITEIP927
    University: LAW
    Nationality: CHINA
    November 24, 2020 at 4:11 am

    High school requires students (aged 16-17) to choose an activity to attend in the summer holiday. Which of the following do you think is more beneficial?

    1. Taking part in the university-level course (for example, the course related to the major field they want to study in);

    2. Visiting museums

    Currently, there is a choice between taking part in the university level courses and visiting the museums and historical places then writing a paper about it which requires students to attend in the summer holiday. From my perspective, it is better to visit museums and historical places and then write a paper about it.

    To begin with, taking that activity provide students with an opportunity to apply their theoretical knowledge to practice. There is lots of knowledge that students cannot just get only in the campus with out using or really getting touch with them. It is obvious that high school students have gotten sufficient knowledge about the history and other fields. As a result, there is nothing which is more important for students to practice or touch the knowledge in real life, At the same time, the museums and other historical places are ready to offer a chance for the students to realize what the true knowledge is since they are built or conserved by the government in order to educate the young to learn more about the historical or scientific knowledge in their real lives.

    Besides, taking that activity can help students cultivate the national pride and belonging. Numerous things in the museum and historical places such as our ancients’ clothes, our ancients’ weapons even the black powders can remind students of the privity of our country in the old time. In the past thousand years, our country is the most powerful and previous country around the world. Likewise, our country also had lots of outstanding inventions which lead to a giant change all over the world. However, we can only realize them by visit the museums and historical places. In this case, only in this way students can know more about our country and then be more confident in their nationality due to the national pride and belonging.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    November 25, 2020 at 11:02 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Preposition errors
    4. Article errors

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    NITEIP927
    University: LAW
    Nationality: CHINA
    November 28, 2020 at 4:14 pm

    Currently, students are required to attend some activities in the summer holiday. They should choose one activity between taking part in the university level courses and visiting the museums and historical places then writing a paper about it. From my perspective, the latter one is better.

    To begin with, taking that activity provide students with an opportunity to apply their theoretical knowledge to practice. There is lots of knowledge that students cannot just get only in the campus with out using or really getting touch with them. It is obvious that high school students have gotten sufficient knowledge about the history and other fields. As a result, there is nothing which is more important for students to practice or touch the knowledge in real life. At the same time, the museums and other historical places are ready to offer a chance for the students to realize what the true knowledge is. It is generally agreed that they are built or conserved by the government in order to educate the young to learn more about the historical or scientific knowledge.

    Besides, taking that activity can help students cultivate the national pride and belonging. Numerous things in the museum and historical places such as our ancients’ clothes, our ancients’ weapons even the black powders can remind students of the prosperity of our country in the old time. In the past thousand years, our homeland is the most powerful and prosperous country around the world. Likewise, our country also had lots of outstanding inventions which lead to a giant change all over the world. However, we can only realize them by visit the museums and historical places. In this case, only in this way students can know more about our country and then be more confident in their nationality due to the national pride and belonging.

    In conclusion, I firmly believe that students should visit museum and historical places. It can help students to connect the knowledge to the practice in their real lives and help them to cultivate the national pride and belonging.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 5, 2020 at 3:13 am

    Score: 52.8

    Issues:

    1. About 45% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Preposition errors
    4. Article errors
    5. State your argument clearly in the introduction and provide some supporting information: Why is one better than the other?

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    NITEIP927
    University: LAW
    Nationality: CHINA
    December 10, 2020 at 11:26 am

    Currently, students are required to attend some activities during the summer holiday. They should choose one activity between taking part in the university-level courses and visiting the museums and historical places then writing a paper about it. From my perspective, the latter is better.

    First, taking that activity provides students with an opportunity to apply their theoretical knowledge to practice. There is lots of essential things that students cannot just get only on the campus without using or getting in touch with them. It is obvious that high school students have got sufficient knowledge about history and other fields. As a result, there is nothing that is more important for students to practice or touch the knowledge in real life. At the same time, museums and other historical places are ready to offer students a chance to realize what true knowledge is. It is generally agreed that they are built or conserved by the government to educate the young to learn more about the historical or scientific knowledge.

    Besides, taking that activity can help students cultivate national pride and belonging. Numerous things in the museum and historical places such as our ancients’ clothes, our ancients’ weapons even the black powders can remind students of our country’s prosperity in the old time. In the past thousand years, our homeland is the most powerful and prosperous country around the world. Likewise, our country also had lots of outstanding inventions that lead to a giant change worldwide. However, we can only realize them by visiting museums and historical places. In this case, only in this way students can know more about our country and then be more confident in their nationality due to the national pride and belonging.

    In conclusion, I firmly believe that students should visit museums and historical places. It can help students connect the knowledge to the practice in their real lives and cultivate national pride and belonging.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 12, 2020 at 5:20 pm

    You failed to resolve the issues mentioned in the last feedback. Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words. Thanks!

    NITEIP927
    University: LAW
    Nationality: CHINA
    December 14, 2020 at 2:51 pm

    Currently, students are required to attend some activities during the summer holiday. They should choose one activity between taking part in the university-level courses and visiting the museums. From my perspective, the latter is better.

    First, it is an opportunity for students to apply their theoretical knowledge to practice. There is lots of essential things that students cannot just get only on the campus without using or getting in touch with them. It is obvious that high school students have got sufficient knowledge about history and other fields. As a result, there is nothing that is more important for students to practice or touch the knowledge in real life. At the same time, museums and other historical places are ready to offer students a chance to realize what true knowledge is. It is generally agreed that they are built by the government for the young to learn more about the historical or scientific knowledge.

    Besides, taking that activity can help students cultivate national pride and belonging. There are numerous things in the museum such as our ancients’ clothes and weapons. They can remind students of our country’s prosperity in old time. In the past thousand years, our homeland is the most prosperous country around the world. Likewise, our country also had lots of outstanding inventions that lead to a giant change worldwide. However, we can only realize them by visiting museums and historical places. In this case, only in this way students can be more confident on their nationality due to the national pride and belonging.

    In conclusion, I firmly believe that students should visit museums and historical places. On the one hand, it can help students connect the knowledge to the practice in their real lives. At the same time, they can cultivate national pride and belonging.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 14, 2020 at 4:05 pm

    Currently, students are required to attend some activities during the summer holiday [factual error  ]. They should choose one activity between (taking part in)[wrong phrase  ] the[ article error ] university-level courses and visiting the[ article error ] museums. From my perspective, (the latter is better)[ vague/use concrete verbs or adjectives ].

    First, it[ unclear pronoun ] is an opportunity for students to apply their theoretical knowledge to practice. There[ redundant/avoid using THERE BE sentences ] is[ grammatical error ] (lots of )[ informal writing ]essential things that students cannot (just)[ redundancy ] (get) [ informal writing ]only on the[article error  ] campus without (using or getting in touch with them)[ unclear ]. It[ Unclear pronoun ] is obvious that high school students have got[informal  ] sufficient knowledge about history[ spelling error ] and other fields. As a result, there[redundant  ] is nothing that is more important for students to practice or (touch)[wrong word  ] the knowledge in real life. At the same time, museums and other historical places are ready to offer students a chance to realize what true knowledge is. It[ redundant ] is generally agreed [ unnecessary passive ]that they[ unclear pronoun ] are built [unnecessary passive sentences  ]by the government for the young to learn more about the historical or scientific knowledge.

    Besides, taking that[ unclear pronoun ] activity can help students cultivate (national pride)[ unclear ] and belonging[unclear  ]. There [ redundant ]are numerous things[ vague word ] in the museum such as our[redundant  ] ancients’ clothes and weapons. They can remind students of our country’s prosperity in [ article error ]old time. In the past thousand years, our homeland is [grammatical error  ]the most prosperous country around the world. Likewise, our country also had lots of [ informal ]outstanding inventions that lead[ grammatical error ] to (a giant change)[word form error  ] worldwide. However, we can only realize them by visiting museums and historical places. (In this case, only in this way )[repetition/redundant  ]students can[grammatical error  ] be [ replace dull BE verb with concrete verb ]more confident on their nationality due to (the national pride and belonging)[ repetition/unclear ].

    In conclusion, I firmly believe that students should visit museums and historical places. On the one hand, it[ unclear pronoun ] can help students connect the[article error  ] knowledge to the [article error  ]practice in their real lives. At the same time, they can cultivate national pride and belonging[repetition  ].