If people have the opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right away rather than wait for a job that would be more satisfying.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing If people have the opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right away rather than wait for a job that would be more satisfying.

  • YOUZHAWAZI
    University: Jialidun
    Nationality: Chinese
    August 2, 2020 at 8:04 am

    If people have the opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right away rather than wait for a job that would be more satisfying.

    Job opportunity, a crucial factor for all people’s life, has different values to various types of people. Some believe that a secure job is the best choice and immediately seize the opportunity of that job. However, I insist that this is not a wise behavior.

    First of all, if the future development of people is put to the top priority, waiting for a better chance would be a rewarding choice. The major reason is people’s potentially low satisfaction of their own future life. Even though stable jobs provide people with long-term secured income, the cost is the highly limited promotion opportunity and the following unchanged income. Also, as marriage and birth of children come into people’s life, the originally secured job might not be able to get their life secured. Considering facts of continuingly growing inflation and the low competitiveness provided by secured jobs, people who choose stable jobs will later face great financial challenge and have fewer chances of getting a new, agreeable job, further having low life satisfaction. Plus, sometimes those truly great chances come lately and waiting would be worthy when people are truly benefited from those better jobs.

    Additionally, taking the secured job without hesitate is a waste of talent and an arbitrary behavior. To be more specific, as more people nowadays are becoming more educated, they are capable of operating in a place where more talent is required but also more independence and resources are provided. For these people, immediately choosing the secured job is seemingly wise, but it is actually an irresponsible and ill-reasoned tradeoff between income stability and the pursuit of more resources. Secured jobs often have lower standards, suggesting that people who take this job are more replaceable and will thus be provided with less resources. These jobs can be agreeable at the first glace, but these cannot be the best chances for those who are capable of doing more complicated jobs since they will also be employed if they try to apply for these jobs.

    August 3, 2020 at 3:47 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Make argument/thesis more clear, why is it not wise behavior?
    2. Word choice errors;
    3. Preposition errors;
    4. Article errors;
    5. About 70% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them;
    6. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words;
    7. About 40% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.