If you decide to travel two places and you don\’t know choose which one to visit

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing If you decide to travel two places and you don\’t know choose which one to visit

  • FelixOfficial
    University: BUPT
    Nationality: BUPT
    April 4, 2019 at 2:27 am

    If you decide to travel two places and you don’t know choose which one to visit. The following two ways which you think can better help you make the decision. 

    The following choice is only based on my personal value and my perspectives on online search and opinions of friends, but I would definitely choose online search when I have to choose between two travelling places.

    First of all, online search engine has grown to a point where the value of information is ranked and questions are generally answered quicker online with great quality. If we stick to the old-fashioned way and discuss with a friend with experience, one may find that even the experienced friend may be biased and his decision may also be derived from the internet. To illustrate I will tell a story between me and my friend Jim. At first, we would share our experiences to settle an issue, completely ignoring the convenience of the online searching. But then we found that search engines could provide more sophisticated advices, so we would be still exchanging our minds, but most of the time online information became our main source of information regarding our private matters.

    Additionally, with the information booming, days are gone when most of our problems were encountered by one of our friends, especially when you set off academic career. Not being able to find any suggestions offline, we would find internet a more reliable source of information. In this day and age, most of us would come and go anytime and anywhere, and we couldn’t have done it without the help of the so called “online strangers”. When I decided to travel by my own, I wouldn’t choose a place where my friends are familiar with because that would be so boring. Instead, when I decided to explore the place untouched by any of my acquaintances, exploring the information unknown is itself an exciting journey. So all I can say is that searching online is sometimes cooler than turning to friends.

    In conclusion, I love the ideas of friends discussing the pros and cons of a place, but searching online seems to be a more efficient and more effective tool.

    April 4, 2019 at 4:57 pm

    Problems (4)

    Passive voice: 26.7% of the sentences contain passive voice, which is more than the recommended maximum of 10%. Try to use their active counterparts.

    Sentence length: 60% of the sentences contain more than 20 words, which is more than the recommended maximum of 25%. Try to shorten the sentences.

    Improvements (1)

    The copy scores 56.3 in the test, which is considered VERY difficult to read. Try to make shorter sentences to improve readability.

    Paragraph length: try to limit your paragraph to 85 words.

    Good results (2)

    Consecutive sentences: There is enough variety in your sentences. That’s great!

    Transition words: Well done!”

    Best wishes,

    Lin Qiu