In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Topics In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

  • Raphael
    University: SEU
    Nationality: China
    February 15, 2020 at 5:23 am

    In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

    The issue of children doing paid work is a complex and sensitive one. Some people consider allowing children to undertake paid works to be inacceptable, while others may argue that children should have valuable work experience, which is beneficial for their development. Both statements will be examined in the following.

    There are some arguments proving that it is wrong for children to work for pay. In some regions, children are exploited to participate in agricultural and factory works that are always repetitive and heavy. Children, with poor knowledge and little experience, are not able to undertake some complicated works. Apart from that, employers may be more willing to use child labours, because the wages for them are commonly less than that for adults. Even if the income is really small, children were told to be engaged in paid works in some poor families to reduce the financial burden. As a result, their prime time for learning would be occupied by working. Besides, some works with safety problems are likely to do harm to children’s health.

    Nevertheless, some people contend that children need to be engaged in some paid works to gain some experience. First, given that children who participate in paid works would meet people from all walks of life, they could have chance to learn many practical skills, such as interpersonal communication skills, teamwork skills and so forth. Second, it is a good way for them to learn to have a sense of responsibility. For example, when they are working as waiters in restaurants, it is their duty to make efforts to meet the needs of customers.

    It seems that both statements have their merits. In my view, it is suggested that children could take part-time jobs during their holidays for honing skills and qualities. Undue working for pay, however, may stray from the primary purpose.

    February 20, 2020 at 8:52 pm

    Score: 68.4

    Issues:

    1. Nearly 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. Nearly 30% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    February 20, 2020 at 8:54 pm

    I am unable to send you screenshots since you are not on my WeChat contact list.