In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have positive or negative effects on the society?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have positive or negative effects on the society?

  • Royli
    University: Peking university
    Nationality: China
    March 9, 2020 at 3:06 pm

    In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have positive or negative effects on the society?

    With the development of technology and accumulation of wealth, human life expectancy has been prolonged than ever before. Although the elderly can make extraordinary contributions to our society, this demographic change will lead to loads of problems.

    Apparently, a question related to the ageing is health care’s cost increasing, exerting more pressure on taxpayers. As is known to all, one’s late years are usually accompanied by a weaker immune system and a higher possibility of falling sick; hence the government expenditure will inevitably tilt toward the medical care for the elderly, and the consequence is that other vital services such as education may be underfunded.

    Meanwhile, with the number of senior workers burgeoning, the slow pace of work might be another obstacle we have to tackle. People’s capacity for absorbing information and coping with work usually will be undermined with age, and that is to say, company’s efficiency and profit will undoubtedly be affected if those senior workers postpone retirement.

    Opponents, however, argue that delaying retirement, against the backdrop of an ageing population, has an advantageous impact on society, since senior worker’s abundant experience and practical wisdom are definitely valuable assets; so they, the senior workers, as consultants, can impart their knowledge and skills to the young. For example, some senior managers can teach the young how to run a business more efficiently and provide high-quality services for clients, which would doubtlessly add more momentum for the company to thrive in this intensely competitive market.

    With the aforementioned reasons, I argue that the extension of life expectancy has put strain on health care as well as reduced productivity in many countries, impeding economic growth despite the fact that we can make optimal use of the wisdom from the elderly.

    March 9, 2020 at 3:21 pm

    Score: 36.2

    Issues:

    1. More than 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 30% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

Tagged: