In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to mana

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to mana

  • Olivia …
    University: central south university
    Nationality: China
    February 7, 2020 at 2:57 pm

    In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age.

    Nowadays more and more people pay attention to their financial condition. In other words, they are willing to follow the economic current,  investing in stock markets or various funding. Faced with this phenomenon, some of parents recognize investment has huge risks so that they can not allow kids to contact with money.  From my point of view, if kids are prohibited managing money because of potential risks, they will not be suitable for complex financial markets. Thus, For being a financially responsible adults, kids should learn to manage money.

    In the first place, getting knowledge about how to deploy money is a efficient way to enhance the financial awareness, which is of benefit to their responsibilities. As a old saying says, education start from children, which is imperative for kids to study knowledge so is financial education. Take my sister Jane for instance, when she was around 5 years old,  her parents spurred her to plan how to use red packets. At her primary school, she became used to save money and spent it properly. Eventually, it is finance that she chose as her major of university. Thus, we conclude that guiding kids to plan money plays far-reaching influences toward future life.

    Moreover, financial environment become more and more complicated so that kids need to increase relevant knowledge to avoid trap in financial dilemma. Recently, most of financial frauds happened, resulting in losing numerous capital. To some extent, the criminals just wielded their thought that dreamed to be rich overnight to bilk money. According to a survey of China Finance Association, over 60 percent of people were cheated because they believed high interests that frauds claimed. However, if we mull over with financial knowledge and become responsible, these crimes will be impassible to success and finally we will secure our moneybag.

    To sum up, let children learn how to manage money can enable them become financially responsible. Besides, learn to organize money form a young age will increase the finance awareness, which doubtlessly sway their adult life and foil a money loss in complex finance environment.

    February 13, 2020 at 5:16 am

    Score: 57

    Issues:

    1. Nearly 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. More than 30% of the sentences are passive. Convert them into their active counterparts.

     

    Olivia …
    University: central south university
    Nationality: China
    February 13, 2020 at 1:15 pm

    Nowadays more and more people pay attention to their financial condition. In other words, they are more willing to invest in stock markets or various funding. However, some parents consider investment as high risky so that they are not favor of kids to manage money.  From my point of view, if kids can not organize money because of potential risks, they will not fit complex financial markets in the future. Thus, for being a financially responsible adults, kids should learn to manage money.

    In the first place, getting knowledge about how to deploy money can enhance the financial awareness, which is of benefit to their responsibilities. As a old saying says, education start from children.  It is imperative to study knowledge at an early age, so is financial education. Take my sister Jane for instance, when she was around 5 years old,  her parents spurred her to use red packets. At her primary school, she was willing to save money and spent it properly. Eventually, it was finance that she chose as her university major. Thus, guiding kids to plan money plays far-reaching influences toward future life.

    Moreover, more and more complicated financial market urge kids to increase relevant knowledge. Recently, most of financial frauds happened, resulting in losing numerous capital. To some extent, criminals wielded victims’ thought that dreamed to be rich overnight to bilk money. According to a survey of China Finance Association, over 60 percent of people were cheated because they believed extremely high interests. However, if we mull over with financial knowledge, these crimes will be impassible to success. Therefore, it is necessary for the young to learn knowledge in order to be responsible.

    To sum up, learn how to manage money can enable children become financially responsible. Besides, learn to organize money form a young age will increase the finance awareness. Doubtlessly, it will sway their adult life and foil loss in complex finance environment.

    February 17, 2020 at 10:53 pm

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