In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age.

  • Fiona
    University: China University of Petroleum
    Nationality: China
    September 12, 2020 at 7:28 am

    In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age.

    It is commonly believed that financial ability is one of the most important ability for adults, but people are not born to be financially responsible. Although conventional wisdom has it that children should not be exposed to money too early, the received opinion is that children should learn to manage their own money at young age. As for me, the latter perspective is what I agree on. My reasons and examples are given below.

    Firstly, financial management is an ability that needs to be cultivated for a long time. Like mathematics, English, science and other subjects that we have learned since childhood, financial management also has a lot to learn. For example, every time after the New Year, children always receive a lot of pocket money from relatives. At this time, parents should take them to the bank to teach them how to open an account, how to deposit and withdraw money, and the difference between short-term deposits and long-term deposits, etc. Further more, parents can let children to choose short-term or long-term deposits and how much money they would save by themselves.

    Moreover, money management habit needs to be developed from an early age. There is no denying that childhood is the time when the memory is the best, the ability to accept is the strongest, and it is also the easiest to develop good habits. Parents should develop children’s awareness of making money and saving money. For instance, they can give their child money if the child help with doing housework and ask them to deposit a part of it in their bank account.

    Although there is a certain risk that children may spend money out of control if parents let kids get in touch with money too early, as a saying goes, “Don’t stop eating because of choking.”, parents can avoid this situation by supervising children from time to time.

    In conclusion, I propose that children should learn to manage their money as early as possible.

     

     

     

    September 17, 2020 at 2:01 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 55% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Fiona
    University: China University of Petroleum
    Nationality: China
    September 20, 2020 at 7:28 am

    Thanks for your modification, but I am not clear about how to shorten the long sentence. I have modified some of them.

     

    It is believed that financial ability is one of the most important adults’ abilities, but people are not born to be financially responsible. Although conventional wisdom has it that children should not be exposed to money too early, the received opinion is that children should learn financial management at the young age. As for me, I agree with the latter. My reasons are as follows.

    Firstly, there is so much to learn about financial management that it takes a long time. We grew up studying maths, science and so on. The same goes for money management. For example, every time after the New Year, children always receive a lot of pocket money from relatives. Then parents should take them to the bank to teach them how to open an account, how to deposit and withdraw money, and the difference between short-term deposits and long-term deposits, etc. Furthermore, parents can let children choose short-term or long-term deposits and how much money they would save.

    Moreover, children need to develop financial habits from an early age. There is no denying that childhood is the most receptive and habit-forming time. Parents should develop children’s awareness of making money and saving money. For instance, they can give their children money if they help with the housework, and ask them to deposit a part of it in their bank account.

    Although there is a certain risk that children may spend money out of control if parents let kids get in touch with money too early, parents can avoid this situation by supervising children from time to time. As the saying goes, “Don’t stop eating because of choking.”

    In conclusion, I propose that children should learn to manage their money as early as possible.

    • This reply was modified 2 hours, 48 minutes ago by AvatarFiona.