In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

  • keketty
    University: I am a upper high school student.
    Nationality: China
    September 14, 2020 at 5:27 am

    In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

    There are three main reasons that could contribute to the view that it is more important to own a  home.  The first reason is that people need a stable housing environment. Living a home belonging to others would always be unstable , as the landlord could find any excuses to move renters away. The second reason would be the lack of freedom for decorating the living environment. For example, owners could decorate their home in anyway they want and when it comes to renter, the situation would be totally different. The third reason is the influence from the tradition and society. For example, living in own land is a tradition in China, which makes Chinese parents urge their children to purchase apartments. In modern society, as rentals are high in populated cities, compared to always be a renter, most would choose to be a owner no matter how hard it could be.

    I personally believe it is necessary to buy a home instead of always being a renter. For young people, setting a goal of buying a house or an apartment could promote them to work and learn new knowledge ,which could indirectly help them to be independent. For seniors, as they are lack of  physical energy and passion compared to young people, they do need to have a stable life ,so having a owned home is definitely important for them.

    To sum up, personal and social factors could influence people to buy commercial housing. And in my opinion, I agree with the view that owing a home is more important compared to renting one.

    September 24, 2020 at 1:32 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Lengthy paragraph. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

Tagged: