Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  • 1015219599
    University: BeiJing University of Chemical Technology
    Nationality: Chinese
    March 24, 2020 at 1:28 pm

    Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

    A variety of people believe that people are likely to become dependent on each other in the modern world. I hold the view that people are obtaining more independence under the impact of the modern world.

    On the one hand, there are a range of reasons why people are getting dependent on each other. Firstly, the conception of teamwork gains great popularity among corporations in the modern world. For instance, conductors believe that only working as a team can produce better results because everyone is equipped with imperfection, which will impair their completeness of tasks. Secondly, parents input redundant love to their children owing to the one child policy and address problems for them, causing a fact that they lack the ability of tackling problems, making them more dependent on others. Finally, the majority of people in modern world are born and raised in an affluent environment, which dispenses them from adversity, leading to a fact that they have no knowledge of solving problems and only have to make recourse to others.

    On the other hand, I believe, people are becoming more independent in the modern world. An increasing number of university are stressing the importance of self-discipline. College students are expected to display initiative, such as completing projects without supervising. I believe that initiative holds to key to excellent academic performances. Instead of encouraging students to collaborate, universities show tendency towards nurturing people with the capacity of fulfill duties individually.

    In conclusion, I can comprehend why some people believe that people are becoming more dependent on others in the modern world, but it seems to me that independence is more likely to be the consequence under the impact of the modern world.

     

    March 26, 2020 at 1:32 am

    Score: 49.2

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    1015219599
    University: BeiJing University of Chemical Technology
    Nationality: Chinese
    March 27, 2020 at 8:40 am

    A variety of people believe that people are likely to become dependent on each other in the modern world. I hold the view that people are obtaining more independence under the impact of the modern world.

    On the one hand, there is a range of reasons why people are getting dependent on each other. Firstly, nowadays the majority of corporations requires collaboration among employees. For instance, conductors believe that teamwork can reduce the possibility of making mistakes during processing assignment. In addition, an increasing number of people are having difficulties addressing problems themselves since their parents cover it all when they were young. Finally, the majority of people in the modern world are born and raised in a well-being background, those who lack the nerve to face the adversity that they have never experienced before.

    Besides that, I hold the view that people are becoming more independent in the modern world. An increasing number of universities is stressing the importance of displaying initiative. Initiative has become a requisite quality of college students, such as completing projects without surveillance. I believe that initiative holds to key to excellent academic performances. Nowadays universities prefer nurturing students’ ability of studying on their own to encourage them to collaborate with each other.

    In conclusion, I can understand. why some people believe that a variety of folks tends to rely on others in the modern world, but it seems to me that independence is probably a more common quality owing to the evolution of education.

     

    April 1, 2020 at 2:45 am

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