In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.

Score: 62.8

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

Score: 63.1

There is a public discussion nowadays about whether young people today are more independent in making decisions than those in the past. [ Factual error/Where is the public discussion? on New York Times or on China Daily?  ]In my opinion, the young today are more decisive when they face choices. (Here are two reasons to support my perspective.) [This is not writing. It carries no meaningful information. Be specific.   ]

Firstly, thanks to the fast development of education, young people nowadays are more likely to get a high-quality education[ logical confusion/what is the organic connection between fast educational development and improved education?  ]. [ disconnected from the prior sentence  ]The[article error   ] governments of many countries have implemented a large number of policies to support students. For example, the government of China[ wordy  ] spends billions[ of what?  ] on education every year; thereby waiving the major portion of the tuition. With those large number of money, Chinese students don’t need to pay much on their tuition because the main part of the school fee is waived. [very wordy   ][ disconnected from the prior sentence  ]Nearly every teenager can receive a high-quality[ what is high-quality? be specific.  ] education today. Thus, they have richer knowledge than youngsters in the past. As we all know, knowledge helps people make wiser decisions, and be[ unparalleled  ] better able to make a long-term plan for their lives.

What’s more, young people now can collect more information from the Internet to help their decisions. Many experts share their advice and experiences on the Internet. With the help of search engines like Google, youths of today can easily get useful information from the Internet. Besides, if there are[ grammatical error  ] no relevant results, people can submit a question on some websites or forums. Within one day, others will know your trouble and try to solve your problem. [ information introduced without preparation  ]The development of information technology improves[ incorrect word  ] the propagation of knowledge. Helps from the other side of the Internet make young people more decisive to make a decision[  repetition/decisive ]. However, in the past, people didn’t have such a convenient way to get information. With limited knowledge, they were unable to make decisions by themselves, so they had to depend on their parents.

In conclusion, better education and the Internet significantly enrich young people’s knowledge and outlook[ confusing word  ]. Contemporary youngsters can make decisions on their own instead of depending on their parents.

Score: 67.2

Final Revision

The world is changing fast, and our life is totally different from the past. Young people today have a better environment to grow up. However, they also meet/possess more choices than ever before. Are they ready for those choices? Are they better able to make decisions by themselves than those in the past? My answer is yes.

Firstly, thanks to the development of education, teachers focus more on training/improving students’ ability to make decisions. In the past, people thought education is just imparting knowledge and making helping students able to make a living on their own. Teachers, however, didn’t tell them how to distinguish between right and wrong. Students were always hesitant while facing a choice because they didn’t know how to make a decision. No one had taught them before. Luckily, some educationists found this problem. They pushed the education system to be more comprehensive and perfect. Nowadays, in the school, students can not only learn knowledge in/from textbooks but also learn how to face real-world choices. Teachers will tell them those young learners how to make a decision with/using/by leveraging strategic and forward-looking vision visionary thinking.

Second, young people now can collect more information from the Internet to help their decisions. Many experts share their advice and experiences on the Internet. With the help of search engines like Google, youngsters can easily get useful information from the Internet. Even if they can’t find relevant information, they can post a question on an FAQ platform, then waiting for someone to answer it.

Additionally, the development of information technology promotes the propagation of knowledge. With help from the other side of the Internet, making a decision becomes much easier. However, in the past, people didn’t have such a convenient way to get information. With limited knowledge, they were unable to make decisions by themselves, so they had to depend on their parents.

In conclusion, with the help of more supported by advanced education systems and the Internet, contemporary young people are better able to make decisions on their own instead of depending on their parents.