In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.

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  • TruckersForMe Participant
    Alicia527
    University: Beijing Language and Culture University
    Nationality: China
    May 13, 2019 at 2:26 pm

    Twenty years from now, fewer cars can be seen on road due to increasing public transportation and bicycles.

    Essay Topic: In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.

    For centuries important means of transportation has evolved into vehicles and has been playing an indispensable role ever since. Despite its negative effect of air pollution and accidents due to a variety of reasons, the car is an essential element of life in modern society. The presence of vehicles is expected to augment within twenty years.

    It is not deniable that private vehicles have their unique advantages compared with public transportations. Although many people believed that the improvement on mass transit would compensate the need of citizens in a more environmentally friendly way, the need for an individualized and flexible way of commuting can only be maximized when having a private car. That explains why for example in China, many people still prefer to own a private car regardless of the increasingly severe traffic jams and restrictions imposed on car-owners. It is estimated that someone needs to wait for 20 years to become a driver in Beijing since more than 200,000 people are waiting in line to get a plate number. Therefore the use of cars will continue to grow in the foreseeable future.

    What’s more, the advancing technology of autonomous vehicles also gives cars a promising future. These high-tech vehicles are designed to be more eco-friendly and user-friendly. For instance, the application of renewable energy is a critical breakthrough that allows cars to continue serving people’s need in a sustainable way. Besides, self-driving cars could avoid manual error and reduce violation of traffic rule as the result of its programming. That is to say, less accident and traffic jam will occur if the driverless cars are put into use in the future thus creating a more orderly sphere of traffic. Therefore, I believe the demand for cars will continue to increase in the future.

    To sum up, cars are and will continue to be irreplaceable and essential in our modern world. I believe in that because its unique advantage of the flexibility and the promising future that self-driving cars have to offer.

    TruckersForMe Participant
    Administrator
    May 14, 2019 at 7:34 pm

    Score: 51.4

    Suggestions for Improvement

    1. Convert passive-voice sentences into their active counterparts;
    2. Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.

    Problems Highlight

    For centuries important means of transportation has [Grammatical Error] evolved into vehicles and has [Grammatical Error] been playing an indispensable role ever since. [Lengthy, hard-to-read sentence]Despite its negative effect of air pollution and accidents due to a variety of reasons, the car is an essential element of life in modern society.[Verbose] The presence of vehicles is expected [Passive Voice] to augment within twenty years.

    It is (not deniable)[Verbose] that private vehicles have their unique advantages compared with public transportations. [Lengthy, hard-to-read sentence]Although many people believed [Grammatical Error] that the improvement on mass transit would compensate the need of citizens in a more environmentally friendly way, the need for an individualized and flexible way of commuting can only be maximized [Passive Voice]when having a private car.[Lengthy, hard-to-read sentence] That explains why (for example in China)[Verbose], many people still prefer to own a private car regardless of the increasingly severe traffic jams and restrictions imposed on car-owners.[Lengthy, hard-to-read sentence] It is estimated [Passive Voice]that someone needs to wait for 20 years to become a driver in Beijing since more than 200,000 people are waiting in line to get a plate number. Therefore the use of cars will continue to grow in the foreseeable future.

    What’s more, the[Article Error] advancing technology of autonomous vehicles also gives cars a promising future. These high-tech vehicles are designed [Passive Voice]to be more eco-friendly and user-friendly. For instance, the application of renewable energy is a critical breakthrough that allows cars to continue serving people’s need in a sustainable way. [Lengthy, hard-to-read sentence]Besides, self-driving cars could avoid [Article Error]manual error and reduce violation of traffic rule as the result of its programming. That is to say, less [Grammatical Error]accident [Grammatical Error] and traffic jam will occur if the driverless cars are put[Passive Voice] into use in the future thus creating a more orderly sphere of traffic.[Lengthy, hard-to-read sentence] Therefore, I believe the demand for cars will continue to increase in the future.

    To sum up, cars are [Grammatical Error]and will continue to be irreplaceable and essential in our modern world. I believe [Repetition] in [Grammatical Error]that because of its unique advantage of the flexibility and of the promising future that self-driving cars have to offer.

    Comment: There are more issues than those highlighted. Rewrite and resubmit your essay.