Integrated writing Official 1 Task 1

  • katexia
    University: Xuzhou University
    Nationality: Chinese
    December 10, 2020 at 9:41 am

    Integrated writing Official 1 Task 1

    The reading and the lecture are both about how many workdays the employees in the United States should have. The author of the article claims that four workdays a week can be beneficial for both companies and employees. The lecturer cast doubts on the claims made in the article. His position is that four workdays will not bring any advantages to both sides.

    To begin with, the author states that fewer workdays per week will enhance the profits of the company because the costed mistakes made by employees will decrease. This specific argument is challenged by the lecturer. He claims that this will result in the necessity for the company to hire more employees and therefore will cost more medical insurance fees on newly hired ones.

    Secondly, the author asserts that fewer workdays can lower unemployment rates. The article argues that those deduced working hours of now hiring employees can be transferred to someone else who needs work. However, the lecturer believes that the measure will not increase employment. He goes on to say that the companies are not willing to hire any new staff, and they will only expect the employees they already have to finish more work in four workdays than five.

    Thirdly, the author suggests that four day’s work per week can make individuals happier, for they can get more time with their families or do something they like in leisure times. In contrast, the lecturer’s stance is that fewer workdays will not lead to a happy life. He notes that every company hopes their supervisors or managers can be five-day workers so that working four days a week may be a disadvantage for employees to seek for promotion in their corporate ladder and thus will not feel happy in the future.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 12, 2020 at 5:26 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 45% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 12, 2020 at 5:26 pm

    Please add my WeChat and remind me of sending screenshot reviews to you. Thanks!

    katexia
    University: Xuzhou University
    Nationality: Chinese
    December 13, 2020 at 3:52 pm

    The reading and the lecture are both about how many workdays United States employees should have. The author of the article claims that four workdays per week can benefits both companies and employees. The lecturer cast doubts on the claims made in the article. His position is that four workdays will not bring advantages to both sides.

    First, the author states that fewer workdays per week will enhance the campany’s profits because it will lower the costed mistakes of employees. The lecturer disagrees with that argument. He claims that this will result in the company’s necessity to hire more employees. The newly hired employees will cost more medical insurance fee.

    Secondly, the author asserts that fewer workdays can decrease unemployment rates. The article argues that reducing working hours can provide chances for others who need work. However, the lecturer believes that the measure can not increase employment. Because the companies are not willing to hire any new staff, they will only expect the employees now have to complete more work in four workdays.

    Thirdly, the author suggests that four day’s work per week can bring happiness to employees, for they can spend more times with famiies. Besides, they will also have more spare time to do something they like. In contrast, the lecturer’s stance is that fewer workdays will not lead to a happy life. He notes that every company hopes their supervisors or managers can be five-day workers. Working four days a week may be a disadvantage for employees who seek for promotion. So that fewer working day will not lead to happiness in the future.

     

    PS: THANKS a lot, Mr QIU! But I still have a question. I have revised my essay as your requirements, but I’m not quite sure about splitting the sentences over 20 words. I did it but not quite understand. Since I have to delete some logical words like because, for…to split them in to short sentences, won’t this be a damage to the logical relationship in the essay?

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 14, 2020 at 1:47 am

    The [ Both the ]reading and the lecture are both about[/relate to ] how many[the number of ] workdays United States employees should have. The author of the article claims that four workdays per week can benefits[ benefit] both companies and employees. The lecturer[, however, ] cast doubts[ doubt] on the claims[ claim] made in the article. His position is that four workdays will not bring advantages to both sides.

    First, the author states that fewer workdays per week will enhance the campany’s [corporate ]profits because it[ this approach/practice] will lower (the costed mistakes)[unclear ] of employees. The lecturer disagrees with that argument. He claims that this[the proposed measure ] will result in the company’s necessity to hire more employees. The newly hired employees [ new recuits]will[likely ] [incur increased ]cost more medical insurance fee.

    Secondly, the author asserts that fewer workdays can decrease [the ]unemployment rates [rate ]. The article[wrong word ] argues that reducing working hours can provide chances for others who need work. However, the lecturer believes that the measure can not[ cannot] increase employment. Because the companies are not willing[ unwilling] to hire any new staff, they will only expect the [ current]employees now have to complete more work in four workdays.

    Thirdly, the author suggests that four day’s work per week can[should/subjunctive voice ] bring happiness to employees, [punctuation error ]for they can spend more times [spelling error ]with famiies[spelling error ]. Besides, they will also have more spare time to do something they like. In contrast, the lecturer’s stance is that fewer workdays will not lead to a happy life. He notes that every company hopes their supervisors or managers can be five-day workers. Working four days a week may be a disadvantage for employees who seek for [preposition error ]promotion. So that [ because]fewer working day [form error ]will not[is/are unlikely ] lead to happiness in the future.