Integrated Writing TPO40

  • AliceHuang
    University: Shanghai Normal University
    Nationality: Chinese
    July 27, 2020 at 3:24 am

    Integrated Writing TPO40

    The reading contends that it’s impossible to establish permanent human presence on Venus for three reasons. The professor in the lecture, however, argues that setting on Venus is accessible for humans.

    First, according to the reading, atmospheric pressure at Venus’s surface is so great that it can damage the spacecraft landing on it, which contradicts the point made in the lecture that scientists are preparing to build a space station distant from Venus’s surface, floating in the atmosphere 50 kilometers far away from the surface. Since there is much less pressure at this height, humans have no need to worry about how to land on Venus.

    Second, the point made in the reading is that water and oxygen should be supplied from earth because there is no water on Venus and its atmosphere contains little oxygen or water vapor. On the contrary, the professor asserts that carbon dioxide and sulfuric acid containing in Venus’s atmosphere are perfect sources of water and oxygen. Scientists can use carbon dioxide and sulfuric acid to produce water and oxygen through chemical reaction. Since the raw chemical compounds are sufficient in Venus’s atmosphere, humans don’t need to import water and oxygen if living on Venus.

    Finally, the author of the reading refers to the little sunlight on Venus, of which 60% reflect back by thick clouds and even more light is blocked by carbon dioxide, while the lecture points out that clouds are much thinner 50 kilometers above the surface so that more light can go through the clouds and reach the station. Moreover, the station can also make full use of the reflection. It can collect sunlight both reflects from Venus’s surface and comes from the sun directly.

    July 27, 2020 at 11:04 pm

    Score: Ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences contain 20+ words. Shorten or split them;
    2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems.

    AliceHuang
    University: Shanghai Normal University
    Nationality: Chinese
    July 28, 2020 at 4:49 am

    Revised essay

    The reading contends that it’s impossible to establish the permanent human presence on Venus for three reasons. However, the professor in the lecture argues that setting on Venus is practical for human.

    First, according to the reading, atmospheric pressure at Venus’ surface is so great that it can damage the spacecraft landing on it. While according to the lecture, it is possible to build a space station distant from Venus’ surface, for instance a balloon floating in the atmosphere 50 kilometers far away from the surface. Since the pressure at this height is much lower than that on the surface, there is no need to worry about landing on Venus.

    Second, the point made in the reading is that human have to supply water and oxygen from earth because of lack of water on Venus’ surface and little oxygen or water vapor in its atmosphere. On the contrary, the professor asserts that scientists could use carbon dioxide and sulfuric acid to produce water and oxygen through the chemical reaction. Since the raw chemical compounds are sufficient, human’s survival on Venus could be ensured.

    Finally, the author of the reading claims that there is little sunlight on Venus,  since 60% of which is reflected by thick clouds, and carbon dioxide blocks even more light. While the lecture points out that clouds are much thinner 50 kilometers above the surface so that more light can go through the clouds and reach the station. Moreover, the station can also make full use of the  reflected light. Its solar-powered cells could collect both the direct sunlight and the reflect one, thus generating enough electricity to power the station.

    July 28, 2020 at 9:36 pm

    Score: 61.6

    Issues:

    1. Article errors;
    2. Word choice errors, example (setting on Venus);
    3. Make your thesis/argument clearer in your introduction;
    4. About 70% of the sentences contain 20+ words. Shorten or split them;
    5. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems.