It has recently been announced that a new high school may be built in your community. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details in your answer.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing It has recently been announced that a new high school may be built in your community. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details in your answer.

  • Lily and the beast
    University: Guangdong university of foreign studies
    Nationality: China
    February 22, 2020 at 3:43 am

    It has recently been announced that a new high school may be built in your community. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details in your answer.

    In the modern world,most people have received high school education for sure. I am no exception. Now, after graduating from university, I value high school’s educational function as well as its social value. Therefore, if our community decided to establish a new high school, I will support this decision with all my heart.

    Considering that my little sister is going to start her first year in high school this September, this news would definitely bring our family much convenience. For example, instead of taking bus or subway to other block and spending at least one hour each school-day, my sister can save a lot of time by walking to the new high school in our community. The “extra” time can be contributed to academic work, extra-curricula activities, community service or simply taking a nap to rest.

    Apart from its value of offering education to nearby students, new high school can also bring social benefits for the whole community. For the one thing, as a huge institution, a new school needs cleaners, security guards, library managers and teachers of many disciplines. Therefore, the open vacancy of jobs can provide the community heaps of employment opportunities. For the other thing, other business will be attracted by the newly-built high school, like book stores, Karaoke studios, and fancy cafes. These new stores also can bring the residents in the community more entertainment and shopping choices. Also, new shops and stores could contribute to the economy performance of the community or even the whole town.

    In conclusion, the new high school not only will be handy for high school students but also bring other social and financial profits to the inhabitants of the community. Therefore, I fully agree with the construction of the new high school in question.

    February 24, 2020 at 9:40 pm

    Score: 58

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. More than 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.