It is better to work for a business owned by someone else than to work for the business of one’s own family

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing It is better to work for a business owned by someone else than to work for the business of one’s own family

  • MikeHan
    University: 大连理工大学
    Nationality: China
    November 2, 2020 at 10:48 am

    Do you agree that it is better to work for a business owned by someone else than to work for the business of one’s own family? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Most of graduates choose to work for someone else instead of working for their own family business, some people think that it is better for working for a company owned by other people than to work for their own family. From my opinion, I disagree with that point.

     

    Admittedly, working in a business owned by someone else could be a good approach for people who decided to work. Because not only can they boost their own ability but they can also develop their own social circle, which means network with their fellow colleagues or like-minded peers. The ability and the social network will definitely come into handy as time goes by. What’s more, one of the reasons why most people choose to work in a company is that their own families don’t have their own business or they only have a small business like a restaurant or a shop selling daily goods. Obviously, it will be wasted for students who graduates from university to work in this kind of business.

     

    However, working for the business of one’s own family could be another excellent approach for people to work. Family members will help them a lot as long as they decided to work for his family and he won’t be bullied by his leaders or colleagues compared with working for someone else. It is known to us that communication is one of the most paramount aspects during one’s work because it will make both sides get a good sense of what they are doing. Very convenient for people who work for their own family since he can communicate with his leaders or colleagues nearly all time. There won’t be too much pressure on his shoulders because his family members will teach him how to complete his job.

     

    To sum up, both choosing to work for someone else and working for their own business have their own advantages and these advantages are all beneficial for their lives, so it is unjustified to say that working for someone else is better than working for their own family.

    November 2, 2020 at 10:43 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Preposition errors
    4. Make your argument clear in your introduction and provide some supporting points. Do not just restate the question.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    MikeHan
    University: 大连理工大学
    Nationality: China
    November 4, 2020 at 1:06 pm

    Most college graduates choose to work for someone else instead of working for their own family business, so some people think that it is better for working for a company owned by other people than to work for their own family. In my opinion, I disagree with that point.

     

    Admittedly, working in a business owned by someone else could be a fantastic approach for people who decided to employment. Because not only can they boost their ability, but they can also develop their social circle, which means network with their colleagues or like-minded peers. The capacity and the social network will definitely come into handy as time goes by. What’s more, most people choose to work in a company because their families don’t have their business or they only have a small business like a restaurant or a shop selling daily goods.  It’s a waste for college graduates to engage in this kind of work.

     

    However, working for the business of one’s own family could be another excellent approach for people to take a job. Family members will help them a lot as long as they decided to work for his family and his leaders or colleagues won’t bully him comparing with working for someone else. Communication, which occurs between employees and employers, is one of the most essential aspects during one’s work because it will make both sides get a good sense of what they are doing. Very convenient for people who work for their own family since he can communicate with his leaders or colleagues any time. There won’t be too much pressure on his shoulders because his family members will teach him how to complete his job.

     

    To sum up, both choosing to work for someone else and working for their business have their advantages and all of them are beneficial for their lives, so it is unjustified to say that working for someone else is better than working for their own family.

    November 6, 2020 at 5:15 pm

    Score: 53.4

    Issues:

    1. About 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Refer to issue 4 from previous advice
    4. Wordy – remove unnecessary words and phrases

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

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