When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers. Do you agree or disagree?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers. Do you agree or disagree?

  • LHJ
    University: 川大
    Nationality: 中国
    May 31, 2020 at 8:07 am

    When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers. Do you agree or disagree?

    As an increasing number of people flood into the city, more and more problems arise, such as overcrowded streets and high housing prices.Therefore, expanding the city is imperative. Recently, people have been fiercely debating on whether developing public parks and sports facilities is more important than shopping centres for people to spend their free time. As far as I am concerned, this point is not entirely justified.

    It is true that public parks and sports facilities can bring various advantages to the local residents, not only providing them with a place to free themselves but also helping them keep healthy. What’s more, compared with the modern shopping centres, the wooded park will definitely highlight our city and make our air fresh, which has been proven more essential to us humans.

    However, what I want to say is that giving priority to building shopping malls does not mean that parks and sports facilities are not built, therefore, we still can enjoy their benefits later. Besides, as we all know, economic development is the base of everything, including citizen’s living standard and happiness index. In this sense, trying to improve our economy is the first thing we should take into consideration,and shopping centres are precisely such effective ways to improve our economy. What’s the most vital thing is that shopping centres can greatly facilitate our life, as in a big shopping centre we can buy almost everything we want to purchase.

    In a word, though parks and sports centres should definitely be emphasized during the time planning, building a shopping mall should be given top priority due to their essential role in our life.

     

    June 1, 2020 at 10:41 pm

     

    Score: 52.7

    Issues:

    1. About 80% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.