It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life.
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Essay Topic: It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life.
In such a fast-paced and open modern world, a large of international events and multiple patches of information fulfill people’s life. In fact, we attach with swarm of news, anecdotes and announcements. As a result, we prefer the massage that is close to life. Gradually, we ignore the worldwide message away from life. Otherwise, we might miss life connection. However, as far as I concerned, I think that the world information is worthy to read as well.
Without a doubt, life massages guide people to a better life. Otherwise, they might lose the materials to chat with neighbors. Even worse, people lose jobs because they miss the important massage from bosses. Indeed, people need surrounding intelligence to make a reaction. Over time, people forget big events.
However, people can broaden their horizon by international events. People always like to talk with a wisdom person. The so-call wisdom people are those who know big events. Furthermore, people with wide knowledge are more likely to have a good relation with others. In some case, grasp of world events help people to deal with life problems. For instance, my little brother watched TV big news every day. One day, he had conflict with his best friend. Then he talked with his friend as the same way as an ambassador did in a world conflict. Eventually, they were back together.
Besides, world events cater people to think in a big-picture. People mastering big events on time are more likely to make success. Take Ma Yun for example. Ma Yun is a successful merchant. At the birth of internet, He took advantage of this important massage by setting up a website for selling goods online. After a few years, his business has expanded worldwide. Later, he ascribed his success to the timey grasp of the great event of the birth of the network.
In a nutshell, though big events are not close to life, event information could impact people’s life. Apart from broaden knowledge, world news enhance people systematic thinking.
Score: 77.1
Problems Highlight
In such a fast-paced and open modern world, a large of international events and multiple patches of information fulfill people’s life. In fact, we attach with [Article Error] swarm of news, anecdotes and announcements. As a result, we prefer [Article Error] the massage that is close to life. Gradually, we ignore the worldwide message away from life. Otherwise, we might miss [Article Error]life connection. However, as far as I concerned, I think that the world information is worthy to read [Grammatical Error]as well.
Without a doubt, life massages guide people to a better life. Otherwise, they might lose the materials to chat with neighbors. Even worse, people lose jobs because they miss the important massage [Spelling Error]from bosses. Indeed, people need surrounding intelligence to make a reaction. Over time, people forget big [Informal English]events.
However, people can broaden their horizon by international events. People always like to talk with a wisdom person. The so-call wisdom people are those who know big [Informal English]events. Furthermore, people with wide knowledge are more likely to have a good relation with others. In some case, [Article Error] grasp of world events help[Grammatical Error] people to deal with life problems. For instance, my little brother watched TV big news every day. One day, he had [Article Error]conflict with his best friend. Then he talked with his friend as[Preposition Error] the same way as an ambassador did in a world conflict. Eventually, they were back together.
Besides, world events cater people to think in a big-picture[wrong spelling]. People mastering big [Repetition] events on time are more likely to make success. Take Ma Yun [punctuation error]for example. Ma Yun is a successful merchant. At the birth of[Article Error] internet, He took advantage of this important massage[wrong spelling ] by setting up a website for selling goods online. After a few years, his business has expanded worldwide. Later, he ascribed his success to the timey grasp of the great event of the birth of the network.
In a nutshell, though big events are not close to life, event information could impact people’s life. Apart from broaden [Grammatical Error]knowledge, world news enhance people systematic thinking.
Comment: there are more errors than those highlighted. Revise and resubmit your essay.
Revised version 1:
In such a fast-paced and open modern world, a large of international events and multiple patches of information fulfill people’s life. In fact, we attach with a swarm of news, anecdotes and announcements. As a result, we prefer a message that is close to life. Gradually, we ignore worldwide messages away from life. Otherwise, we might miss a life connection. However, as far as I concerned, I think that the world information is worthy to be read as well.Without a doubt, life massages guide people to a better life. Otherwise, they might lose materials to chat with neighbors. Even worse, people lose jobs because they miss some important messages from bosses. Indeed, people need surrounding intelligence to make a reaction. Over time, people forget big world events.
However, people can broaden their horizon by international events. People always like to talk with a wisdom person. The so-call wisdom people are those who know world issues. Furthermore, people with wide knowledge are more likely to have a good relation with others. In some cases, a grasp of world events helps people to deal with life problems. For instance, my little brother watched TV world news every day. One day, he had a conflict with his best friend. Then he talked with his friend in the same way as an ambassador did in a world conflict. In the end, they were back together.
Besides, world events cater people to think in a big picture. People mastering significant events on time are more likely to make success. Take Yun Ma for example. Yun Ma is a successful merchant. At a birth of internet, He took advantage of this important message by setting up a website for selling goods online. After a few years, his business has expanded worldwide. Later, he ascribed his success to the timely grasp of the great event of the birth of the network.
On balance, though big events are not close to life, event information could impact people’s life. Apart from broadening knowledge, world news enhance people systematic thinking.
Score: 77.9
I will get back to you with the final revision shortly.
Final Edit
In such a fast-paced and open modern world, a large number of international events and multiple patches of information fulfill people’s lives
life. In fact, we become attachedattachwithto a swarm of news, anecdotes and announcements. As a result, we prefer a message that is close to life. Gradually, we ignore worldwide messages without personal relevanceaway from life. Otherwise, we might miss a life connection. However, as far as I am concerned, I think that globalthe worldinformation is worthy to be read as well.Without a doubt, life messages
massagesguide people to a better life. Otherwise, they might lose materials to chat with neighbors. Even worse, people lose jobs because they miss some important messages from bosses. Indeed, people need surrounding intelligence to form/havemakea reaction. Over time, people forget big world events.However, people can broaden their horizons by following international events. People always like to talk with a
wisdomwise person. The so-calledwisdomwise people are those who know about world issues. Furthermore, people with wide knowledge are more likely to haveagood relations with others. In some cases, a grasp of world events helps people to deal with life‘s problems. For instance, my little brother watched TV world news every day. One day, he had a conflict with his best friend. Then he talked with his friend in the same way as an ambassador doesdidin a world conflict. In the end, they were back together.Besides, world events help
caterpeople to think about thein abig picture. People mastering significant eventson timeare more likely to havemakesuccess. Take Yun Ma for example. Yun Ma is a successful merchant. At theabirth of the internet, heHetook advantage of this important message by setting up a website for selling goods online. After a few years, his businesshasexpanded worldwide. Later, he ascribed his success to the timely grasp of the great event of the birth of the network.On balance, though big events are not close to life, current
eventinformation could impact people’s liveslife. Apart from broadening knowledge, world news enhances people‘s systematic thinking.
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