It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

  • gls1196
    University: Shanghai Jiao Tong University
    Nationality: China
    February 24, 2021 at 5:01 am

    It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Increasingly sophisticated technology, explosive information and intricate international relationships all work together to complicate our life, which makes us in a changing world. Knowing about events happening around the world, in my view, is becoming an essential ability to modern people.

    First of all, it’s a wonderful means to cope with changing situations in the world. Admittedly, some events are unlikely to affect our daily life. But this by no means they will have no effect on us in the future. Taking the outbreak of the epidemic as an example, you know, the virus has killed lots of people. However, in the beginning of the epidemic, no one known that this would be a threat to all human beings. It’s clearly that individuals who learn more about the epidemic are less likely to be infected. Therefore, it’s irrational to conclude easily that some events have no influence on us. Only we listen to the news everyday, can we handle the unstable factors in the world and protect ourselves.

    Besides, it helps us to learn more about the lives of the poor over the world. Although we live in a happy life, there are still lots of people under the severe starvation. For instance, some of them lost their home because of the world, or have no enough food due to the drought. After knowing about their hard living conditions, I cast more and more concern on them. Although I can’t do great things to help them to get rid of poverty, I can help them by denoting some money and clothes. What’s more important, I begin to care about people around us, like helping the elderly with housework.

    Hence, in my view, listening to news is a good way to educate young people especially for those who live with abundant food and clothes from birth. To sum up, on one lives in an earth which only has himself or herself, so on one can live without concerning events around the world.

     

    February 24, 2021 at 8:06 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 10% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
    3. Some sentences are unclear;
    4. Lots of grammatical errors.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    gls1196
    University: Shanghai Jiao Tong University
    Nationality: China
    February 26, 2021 at 7:42 am

    Increasingly sophisticated technology, explosive information and intricate international relationships all work together to complicate our life, which makes us in a changing world. Knowing about events happening around the world, in my view, is becoming an essential ability to modern people.

    First of all, it’s a good means to cope with changing situations in the world. Admittedly, some events are unlikely to affect our daily life. But they may have effect on us in the future. Taking the outbreak of the epidemic as an example, you know, the virus has killed lots of people. However, no one known that this would be a threat to all human beings in the beginning of the epidemic. It’s clear that individuals who learn more about the epidemic are less likely to be infected. Therefore, it’s irrational to conclude easily that some events have no influence on us. Only we listen to the news every day, can we handle the unstable factors in the world and protect ourselves.

    Besides, it helps us to learn more about the lives of the poor over the world. Although we live a happy life, there are still lots of people under severe starvation. For instance, some of them lost their home because of wars, or have no enough food due to droughts. After knowing about their living conditions, I cast more and more concern on them. Although I can’t do great things to help them to get rid of poverty, I can help them by denoting some money and clothes. What’s more important, I begin to care about people around us, like helping the elderly with housework. Therefore, this kind of events are good resources to educate young people especially those who live with abundant food and clothes from birth.

    To sum up, no one lives in an insulated environment, so no one can live without concerning events around the world.

    February 26, 2021 at 5:15 pm

    Score: 68.6

    Increasingly sophisticated technology, explosive information and[ , as well as ] intricate international relationships[,  ] [are defining this changing world in which we live.  ]all work together to complicate our life, which makes us in a changing world. Knowing about events happening around the world, in my view, is becoming an essential ability to[ for ] modern people.

    First of all, it[unclear pronoun/replace it with a noun phrase  ]’s[informal  ] a good means to cope with changing[repetition/evolving/dynamic  ] situations in the world. Admittedly, [ While ]some events are unlikely to affect our daily life. But [ , ] they may have effect [word form error  ]on us in the future. Taking the outbreak of the epidemic as an example, you know, [ During this pandemic, ]the [ SARS-CoV-2 ] virus has killed (lots of)[ informal ] people. However, (no one)[ zero-conditional/replace NO ] known[tense error  ] that this [ the virus ]would (be a threat to)[replace with a verb  ] all human beings in [preposition error  ]the beginning [/onset  ]of the epidemic. (It’s clear that individuals who learn more about the epidemic are less likely to be infected.)[zero-conditional/unclear  ] Therefore, it’s[informal  ] irrational to conclude easily that some events (have no)[avoid using NO/NOT  ] influence on us. Only we listen to the news every day, can we handle the unstable factors [prepare better for unexpected events happening  ]in the world and [therefore  ]protect ourselves.

    Besides, it helps us to learn more about the lives of the poor over [ across ]the world. Although we live a happy life, there are still (lots of)[ informal ] people under severe starvation. For instance, some [ Some ]of them lost their home [ homes ] because of wars, or [ or lack ]have no enough food due to droughts. After knowing[/Having known  ] about their living conditions, I (cast more and more concern on)[wordy  ] them. Although I can’t[informal  ] do great[informal  ] things[ vague word ] to help them to[2 ‘to’ in a clause  ] get rid of poverty, I can help them by denoting[wrong word  ] some money and clothes. What’s more important, [More importantly,  ]I begin to care about[ article error ] people around us, like helping the elderly with [their  ] housework. Therefore, this kind of events are[ grammatical error ] good resources to educate young people especially those who live with abundant food and clothes from birth.[lack the sense of frugality/thriftiness  ]

    To sum up, no one lives in an (insulated environment)[unclear  ], so no one can live without concerning events around the world[zero-conditional  ].