For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities.

  • Ma Yao
    University: 北京邮电大学
    Nationality: China
    January 20, 2021 at 9:29 am

    For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities. Use specific reasons and examples to support.

    Today, many parents want their children to find a good job after graduating. So they think that government should spend more money on children education. However, I don’t support this statement. In my opinion, government should spend more money on universities, these are some reasons that support me.

    First, universities should hire more great professors, so they need a lot of money. If students could be taught by more learned and intelligent professors, they would understand the knowledge well, and they will be interested in these subjects. But today, It is very stressful for professors to live in big cities, so they need more salaries. More financial support will help universities hire more excellent professors. For example, I study in a university in Beijing, this university spend much money hiring professors every year, so I could get good education here. Every lesson, our professors could explain the theory of formula and application of it. I listen to their lectures very carefully, now I have learned much knowledge.

    Second, universities need to buy many advanced equipment. These equipment is very costly, because they have many sophisticated components. With these equipment, students in universities could do many experiments to explore technology. If they couldn’t afford these equipment, the process of research will be delayed, and the development of technology in our country will be affected. For example, my brother studies in Beijing university, he majors in chemistry. They often do many experiments to observe the phenomenon of the reaction of different elements and they want to discover some useful applications of these elements. Because of great support from government, they could complete their research very smoothly. Last year, he won a prize of chemistry with some classmates.

    Many people think that administration should spend money supporting children education, because they hope their children’s potential would be developed from very young. Whereas, I think that children should have a happy life when they are very young. Excessive work and pressure would harm their body and mental health. They should motivate their imagination and curiosity by playing rather than studying.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 20, 2021 at 8:44 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Numerous grammatical errors.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Ma Yao
    University: 北京邮电大学
    Nationality: China
    January 25, 2021 at 10:21 am

    Today, many parents want their children to find a good job after graduating. So they think that government should spend more money on child education. However, I don’t support this statement. In my opinion, governments should pay for universities with more money. There are some reasons that support me.

    First, universities should hire more great professors, so they need a lot of money. If more learned and intelligent professors could teach students, they would understand the knowledge well, and they will be interested in these subjects. But today, It is very stressful for professors to live in big cities, so they need more salaries. More financial support will help universities hire more excellent professors. For example, I study at a university in Beijing, this university spends lots of money hiring professors every year, then I could get a good education here. In every class, our professors would explain the theory of every formula and tell us how to use it. I listen to their lectures very carefully, now I have learned much knowledge.

    Second, universities need to buy much advanced equipment. These devices are very expensive, because they have many sophisticated components. With these devices, students in universities could do many experiments to explore technology. If they couldn’t afford these devices, many researches will be delayed, then the development of technology in our country will be affected. For example, my brother studies at Beijing University, he majors in chemistry. They often do many experiments to observe the reaction of different elements in order to discover some useful applications of these elements. Because of strong support from the government, they could complete their research very smoothly. Last year, he won a prize of chemistry with some classmates.

    Many people think that the administration should spend money supporting child education, because they hope to develop their children’s potential. Whereas, I consider that children should have a happy life when they are very young. Excessive work and pressure would harm their body and mental health. They should motivate their imagination and curiosity by playing rather than studying.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 26, 2021 at 10:31 pm

    Today, many parents want their children to find a good job after graduating [ word form error ]. [ punctuation error with coordinating conjunction ]So they think[ /hope ] that government should[would ] spend more money on child[word form error  ] education. However, I don’t support this statement[unclear  ]. In my opinion, governments[ word form error ] should (pay for universities with more money)[ unclear ]. There are some reasons that support me.[summarize the reasons  ]

    First, universities should hire more great[unclear word  ] professors, so they need (a lot of money)[informal  ][irrelevant to the content in the 1st paragraph  ]. If more learned and intelligent professors (could teach )[ grammatical error ]students, they[unclear word  ] would understand (the knowledge)[?  ] well, and they[  unclear] will be [ grammatical error ]interested in these subjects[ ? ]. But today, It [ spelling error ]is very stressful for professors to live in big cities, so they need more salaries. More financial support will help universities hire more excellent professors. For example, I study at a university in Beijing, this university spends lots of money hiring professors every year, then I could get a good education here. In every class, our professors would explain the theory of every formula and tell us how to use it. I listen to their lectures very carefully, now I have learned much knowledge.

    Second, universities need to buy much advanced equipment. These devices are very expensive, because they have many sophisticated components. With these devices, students in universities could do many experiments to explore technology. If they couldn’t afford these devices, many researches will be delayed, then the development of technology in our country will be affected. For example, my brother studies at Beijing University, he majors in chemistry. They often do many experiments to observe the reaction of different elements in order to discover some useful applications of these elements. Because of strong support from the government, they could complete their research very smoothly. Last year, he won a prize of chemistry with some classmates.

    Many people think that the administration should spend money supporting child education, because they hope to develop their children’s potential. Whereas, I consider that children should have a happy life when they are very young. Excessive work and pressure would harm their body and mental health. They should motivate their imagination and curiosity by playing rather than studying.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 26, 2021 at 10:40 pm

    Partial revision [ all sentences are problematic]

    Ma Yao
    University: 北京邮电大学
    Nationality: China
    February 7, 2021 at 8:21 am

    Today, many parents want their children to find a good job after graduation, so they hope that local governments would spend more money on children education. However, I think local governments should offer adequate financial support to universities firstly. Because universities need to hire many knowledgeable professors and buy much advanced equipment.

    First, universities should hire many learned and experienced professors, so they need plenty of funds. Many professors want to work in a university which gives them more salaries. These professors hope to buy a house, but houses are very expensive in many cities today. Therefore, universities need to spend much money paying for professors’ salaries. Otherwise, many intellectuals would refuse to work as a professor. For example, many professors couldn’t afford a house in Beijing in the past few years. So Beijing’s government decided to provide universities with more funds in order to help them to increase professors’ salaries. Now, many students expect to work as a professor in Beijing after studying abroad.

    Second, universities need to buy a lot of advanced equipment. These devices are very expensive because they consist of many sophisticated components. Students could undertake many experiments to master the techniques they have learned with this kind of equipment. For example, my brother studies at Beijing University, he majors in Chemistry. He often undertakes many experiments to observe the reaction of different elements in order to discover some implementations of these elements. Thanks to the financial support from Beijing’s government, he has acquired many achievements in Chemistry through chemical experiments.

    Many parents think that administrations should spend much money supporting children education because they hope their children’s potential would be developed at school. Whereas, I deem that children should have a happy life. Excessive pressure would harm their body and mental health. Children should stimulate their imagination and curiosity by playing rather than studying.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    February 8, 2021 at 2:29 am

    Today, many parents want their children to find a good job after graduation, so they hope that local governments would spend more money on children [ word form error  ]education. However, I think local governments should offer adequate financial support to universities firstly[instead   ]. [ punctuation error  ]Because universities need to hire many knowledgeable professors and buy much[wrong adverb   ] advanced equipment. [irrelevant to the prompt; check the main point in the prompt   ]

    First, universities [  need sufficient funds since they ] should hire many learned and experienced professors, so they need plenty of funds.[repetitive information   ] Many professors want to work in a university which gives them more salaries. [ repetitive  ]These[Since   ] professors hope to buy a house, but houses are [ houses in many cities remain  ]very expensive[ even for professors   ] in many cities today. Therefore, universities need to spend much money paying for professors’ [ provide high  ]salaries . Otherwise, many intellectuals would refuse to work as a professor[to retain professors   ]. For example, many professors couldn’t afford a house in Beijing in the past few years. So Beijing’s government decided to provide universities with more funds in order to help them to increase professors’ salaries. Now, many students expect to work as a professor in Beijing after studying abroad.[redundant   ]

    Second, universities need to buy a lot of advanced equipment.[repetition   ] These devices are very expensive because they consist of many sophisticated components. Students could [ need to  ]undertake many experiments to master the techniques they have learned with this kind of[ in relation to/in association with   ][ the  ] equipment. For example, my[ My  ] brother studies at Beijing University, [punctuation error   ]he majors in Chemistry. He often undertakes many experiments to observe the[article error   ] reaction[word form error   ] of different elements in order to discover some implementations of these elements. Thanks to the financial support from[ article error  ] (Beijing’s government)[word form error   ], he has acquired (many)[replace with a concrete word   ] achievements in Chemistry through chemical experiments.

    Many parents think that administrations[ unclear word  ] should spend (much) [ use a concrete word  ]money supporting children [  word form error ]education because they hope their children’s potential would be developed at school[unnecessary passive sentence  ]. Whereas, I deem that children should have a happy life. [choppy sentence/poor connection between sentences   ]Excessive pressure would harm their (body and mental )[ word choice error  ]health. Children should stimulate their imagination and curiosity by playing rather than studying.

    Ma Yao
    University: 北京邮电大学
    Nationality: China
    February 20, 2021 at 9:06 am

    Today, many parents want their children to find a good job after graduation, so they hope that local governments would spend more money on children’s education. However, I think local governments should offer adequate financial support to universities instead because universities need to hire many knowledgeable professors and buy plentiful advanced equipment, which helps universities to provide students with a high-quality education. Then, these students would become excellent researchers who promote the development of technology in our country.

    First, universities need sufficient funds since they should hire many learned and experienced professors. Since houses in many cities remain very expensive even for professors. Therefore, universities need to provide high salaries to retain professors. My uncle had studied in America for three years. Last year, he returned to Beijing. He wanted to work as a professor in a university in this city. After negotiation with a manager of this university, he concluded that he even couldn’t afford a house near his workplace after working for 50 years. So, he gave up this opportunity.

    Second, universities need to equip many advanced devices. These devices are very expensive because they consist of many sophisticated components. Students have to undertake many experiments to master the techniques in relation to the equipment. My brother studies at Beijing University. He majors in Chemistry. He undertakes many experiments to observe reactions of different elements in order to discover implementations of these elements. Thanks to the financial support from the local government, he has acquired valuable achievements in Chemistry through chemical experiments.

    Many parents think that local administrations should spend enough money supporting children’s education because they hope their children’s potential develop well with teachers’ help. Whereas, I deem that children should have a healthy life. Excessive pressure would harm their physical and psychological health. Children should stimulate their imagination and curiosity by playing rather than studying.

    In a word, universities need more financial support than elementary schools from local governments.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    February 21, 2021 at 12:02 am

    Today, many parents want their children to find a good job after graduation, so they hope that local governments would spend more money on children’s education. However, I think local governments should offer adequate financial support to universities instead [.  ] because [ This measure would allow ] universities need to hire many knowledgeable professors and buy plentiful advanced equipment, which helps universities to [ would ] provide students with a high-quality education. Then, these students would become excellent researchers who promote the development of technology in our country.[Unnessary in the introductory paragraph; you can put it in one of the bulk paragraphs.  ]

    First, universities need sufficient funds since they should [to  ] hire many learned and experienced professors.[ repetition ] Since houses in many cities remain very expensive even for professors. Therefore, universities need to provide high salaries to retain professors. My uncle had studied in America for three years. Last year, [ before ] he returned to Beijing [ last year in the hope to find a faculty position ] . He wanted to work as a professor in a university in this city. (After negotiation[ negotiatiing ] ) [ Having negotiated ] with a manager of this university [official  ] , he concluded that he even couldn’t [ would not ] afford a house near his workplace after working for 50[fifty  ] years. [ punctuation with coordinating conjunction ] So, he gave up this opportunity.

    Second, universities need to equip[logical confusion/active-passive  ] many advanced devices. These devices[repetition  ] are very[ normally ] expensive[ repetition ] because they consist of many sophisticated components. Students[ sudden shift of object ] have to undertake many [repetition  ] experiments to master the techniques in relation to the equipment. My [As a Chemistry major,  my  ] brother studies at Beijing University. He majors in Chemistry. He undertakes many experiments to observe reactions of different elements in order to discover [ potential ] implementations of these elements. Thanks to the financial support from the local government, he has acquired valuable[/substantive/significant  ] achievements in Chemistry[repetition/in his chosen discipline  ] through chemical experiments.

    [On the other side, many  ] Many parents think that[ repetition ][  hope]  local administrations[authorities  ] should[ to ] spend [repetition/expend  ] enough money supporting children’s education because they hope their children’s potential develop well with teachers’ help.[ With respect, I also  ]  Whereas, I deem that children should have a healthy life. Excessive pressure [from studies  ] would[ /could ] harm their physical and psychological health[, which in turn may restrict the score of  ] . Children should stimulate their imagination and curiosity by playing rather than studying.

    In a word, universities need more financial support than elementary schools from local governments.