For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children(five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children(five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities.

  • aurevoir66666
    University: 上海理工大学
    Nationality: 上海理工大学
    April 16, 2020 at 11:47 pm

    For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children(five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities.

    With the development of the economy and the maturity of the education system, the government has attached many importance to the investment in education, which has triggered a furious debate about whether government should spend more fund on young children than on college students. Some people states that young people are the future of the country and they deserved more investment. However, according to my own opinion, it is better to invest the money for college students.

    To begin with, from the perspective of the whole society, investing in college education help government get return quickly. It’s widely known that college are connected closely with the job market. So if college students are invested to learn more practical skills which are in great need in society, the benefits comes soon. For instance, when facing the challenge of infection like Ebola ,the number of nurses are in great deficient, then if the government put money for medical college students to learn the professional training , after one or two years, they can serve as skilled nurses and put what they learned into practice directly.

    On top of that, college students are actually need more investment for their study than elementary students. To speak it more clearly, College students, especially those who major in science, physics or chemicals, are in need of advanced equipment for them to develop the professional research since their research results are highly hinged on the quality of equipment they used. Expensive equipment help students get more precise data through more simple procedures.

    At last, admittedly elementary education is extraordinary important that it plays a crucial role in the future of one’s life, but the key to educate children in that age is to show more cares and accompany for them rather than just invest a large quantity of money to improved their study environment.

    From all mentioned above, I want to strengthen my conviction that the education are equally important for the young children and college students. The society should devote more time and energy to young children’s education and offer college students with more material supports.

    April 17, 2020 at 12:18 am

    Score: 49.7

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

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