Do you agree or disagree that it is more important for government to improve the internet than to improve public transportation?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Do you agree or disagree that it is more important for government to improve the internet than to improve public transportation?

  • Anmnini
    University: still high school
    Nationality: Chinese
    September 13, 2020 at 6:36 pm

    Do you agree or disagree that it is more important for government to improve the internet than to improve public transportation?

    First of all, artificially intelligence takes a big piece of the cake of internet, which seeps into and assists every aspects of our life, from tiny cell phones to human-like robots. For example, there is a well-known chain restaurant in China, they spend millions of dollars on creating a robots serving restaurant. The robots can do anything that the human waivers do, such as taking orders, serving dishes, asking about the customers’ suggestions, cleaning tables, and checking when the customers are ready to leave. They are polite and considered, basically replaced the position of human in a restaurant. Therefore, the government can use the replaced manpower on more meaningful things.

    What is more, making internet better is beneficial for everyone to work more efficiently and conveniently. As people are experiencing some pandemic disease like Covid-19, most of the countries require their citizens to practice social distance and quarantines, which cause people’s life more difficult than usual. However, this is a great chance to show the value of that it is worthy for the government cost money on internet. Internet make people closer to each other when they cannot physically meet face to face and also make the life keep going much likely normal. Take the school teaching as a powerful instance, that even the students have to stay at home, they still can learn knowledges and talking with their teachers and classmates bu learning remotely, which is a positive result of improvement of internet. In addition, the families do not need to go to stores to do the grocery shopping, that all they need to do is have several clicking on the screen of their cell phones, then the food will be delivered. At the same time, it actually solves the problem of traffic jam, then the government does not need to concern the public transportation.

    September 16, 2020 at 9:01 pm

    Score: 56.6

    Issues:

    1. The essay is poorly structured. Search online and learn how an academic essay should be structured;
    2. Lots of grammatical errors;
    3. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words;
    4. About 75% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.