It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation.

  • mrmichaelhw
    University: Beihang University
    Nationality: Chinese
    November 20, 2020 at 3:07 am

    It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation.

    Governments around the world are grappling with the same challenging problem of whether to spend their limited budget on internet or transportation. It’s the fact that transportation plays an indispensable role in people’s lives, providing them more convenient daily commute in the city. However, Internet access is the foundation of a modern city and I personally think that the government should invest more on it considering effectiveness and environment.

    With fast access to the internet, people even don’t need to commute and take public transit. This means that a lot of traditional work can be replaced by the internet effectively. Most art museums and historical sites are building digital version on their website, allowing visitors to enjoy great masterpieces within their computers. A lot of schools and universities are offering students to take online courses, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic. Also, there is more and more restaurants provide delivery services. These are all benefits that only effective internet access can bring to us.

    Despite the effectiveness, the investment on the internet access also potentially brought us a better environment. The construction of public transportation relies on a tremendous amount of materials to build tunnels, bridges, and highways. Production of these materials is not eco-friendly due to the limited nature resources and carbon dioxide emissions. For example, the industry may depend on fossil oil and rocks to generate the concrete, one of the basic building materials. However, as we all know, oil is developed by animal fossil millions of years ago, so it is limited and hard to be recreated. Also, rock mining may also damage the habitat of millions of animals, so it’s a high cost of the environment to build these transportation infrastructures. However, there won’t be any environmental costs to improve internet access. The government only needs to provide network wirelines and computers to monitor the internet access, which hardly have costs to the environment.

    To sum up, the government should prioritize enhancing the network access over improving public transportation. Improving it will raise the quality of life and the environment of our homeland.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    November 20, 2020 at 4:55 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.