It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation.

  • dytmac
    University: Beijing Institute of Technology,Zhuhai
    Nationality: CHINA
    July 26, 2020 at 1:40 am

    It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation.

    With the accelerating development of our society, internet has been a large part of our life, we go shopping online, chat with our friends online, and even pay online instead of using cash. Therefore, some people are advocators for that government should spend money to improve Internet access. From my perspective, however, it’s more important to improve public transportation. The base for social perspective, financially-speaking.

    Great majority of people depend on public transportation to go to work or school, usually, it will spend much more time than drive by ourselves, because we need to wait for the bus or subway, and sometimes we have to transship. However, if the government can improve the system of public transportation by adding more buses, or expanding the routes of subway, I think we can reduce much more time in waiting and commuting. So that more and more people will choose public transportation instead of driving themselves, and by this way we can produce less polluted gas, protect our environment.

    Form financial perspective, the cost of transportation can be a large part of our living expensive, because we need to use the public transportation almost every day. Take me for example, I have traveled to Japan for four times, and the cost of transportation accounted for one-third of all expenses. Because the public transportation in japan are almost operated by private companies, and the government don’t have right to reduce the ticket fee that the tickets in japan are expensive. On the contrary, in China, the government in charge of public transportation, and the government will put many monies every year to improve the public transportation. Therefore, the tickets are cheap and people have no pressure on the cost of transportation.

    In conclusion, I prefer the statement that the government should spend money to improve public transportation, because it can bring more benefits to people and society.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    July 27, 2020 at 9:07 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Wordy – remove unnecessary words
    2. Article errors
    3. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.
    4. Word choice errors
    5. About 65% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    dytmac
    University: Beijing Institute of Technology,Zhuhai
    Nationality: CHINA
    July 29, 2020 at 4:10 am

    With the accelerating development of our society, the internet has been a large part of our life. We go shopping online, chat with our friends online, and even pay online instead of using cash. Therefore, some people suggest that the government should spend money to improve Internet access. From my perspective, however, it’s more important to improve public transportation.

    The great majority of people depend on public transportation to go to work or school, usually, it will spend much more time than drive, because we need to wait for the bus or subway, and sometimes we have to transship. However, if the government can improve the system of public transportation by adding more fleets of buses or expanding the routes of the subway, I think we can reduce much more time waiting and commuting.

    In this way, more and more people would love to choose public transportation instead of driving. So that we can produce less exhaust emission which causes global warming.

    Form a financial perspective, the cost of transportation can be a large part of our living expenses because we need to use public transportation almost every day.

    Take me for example, I have traveled to Japan four times, and the cost of transportation accounted for one-third of all expenses. Because public transportation in Japan is almost operated by private companies and companies to maintain an operation that the tickets in Japan are expensive. On the contrary, in China, the government in charge of public transportation, and the government will put many monies every year to improve public transportation. Therefore, the tickets are cheap and people have no pressure on the cost of transportation.

    In conclusion, I prefer the statement that the government should spend money to improve public transportation, because it can bring more benefits to people and society.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    July 30, 2020 at 2:52 am

    Score: 57.3

    Issues:

    1. Still wordy one example: “In conclusion, I prefer the statement that the government should spend money to improve public transportation, because it can bring more benefits to people and society.” this can be trimmed down significantly.
    2. Word choice errors – some examples (“transship” “exhaust emission” “In this way”)
    3. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    dytmac
    University: Beijing Institute of Technology,Zhuhai
    Nationality: CHINA
    August 2, 2020 at 2:47 am

    With the accelerating development of our society, the internet has been a large part of our life. We go shopping online, chat with our friends online, and even pay online instead of using cash. Therefore, some people suggest that the government should spend money to improve Internet access. From my perspective, however, it’s more important to improve public transportation.

    Generally speaking, it will spend much more time than drive. Because we need to wait for the bus or subway, and sometimes we have to transship. However, if the government can add more fleets of buses and expanding the routes of the metro, I think we can reduce much more time waiting and commuting.

    In this way, more and more people would love to choose public transportation instead of driving. And there is no doubt that we can produce less exhaust which causes global warming.

    Form a financial perspective, the cost of transportation can be a large part of our living expenses because we need to use public vehicles almost every day.

    Take me as an example, I have traveled to Japan four times, and the cost of transportation accounted for one-third of all expenses. Because public transportation in Japan is almost operated by private companies and companies to maintain an operation that the tickets in Japan are expensive. On the other hand, in China, the government in charge of public transportation, and the government will put many monies every year to keep the ticket fee relatively low. Therefore, people don’t have to worry about transportation costs.

    In conclusion, Because of competition between companies, the internet has developed very fast. The government no necessary to invest internet access at all.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    August 3, 2020 at 3:18 pm

    Score: 62.1

    Issues:

    1. Simplify sentences and remove unnecessary words example: “Because public transportation in Japan is almost operated by private companies and companies to maintain an operation that the tickets in Japan are expensive”
    2. Word choice errors – some examples (“transship” “it will spend much more time than drive” “In this way”)
    3. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    dytmac
    University: Beijing Institute of Technology,Zhuhai
    Nationality: CHINA
    August 7, 2020 at 12:44 am

    With the accelerating development of technology, the internet has been a large part of our life. We go shopping online, chat with our friends online, and even pay online instead of using cash. Therefore, when it comes to whether the government should spend money to improve Internet access, people hold a positive attitude. From my perspective, however, it’s more important to improve public transportation.

    Generally speaking, taking public transportation will spend much more time than private vehicles. Because we need to wait for the bus or subway, and sometimes we have to transfer. However, if the government can add more fleets of buses and expanding the routes of the metro, I think we can reduce much more time waiting and commuting.

    If public transportation is adequate convenient, more and more people would love to choose public vehicles instead of private vehicles. And there is no doubt that we can produce less exhaust which causes global warming.

    Form a financial perspective. Because we need to use public vehicles almost every day, if the tickets are expensive, the cost of transportation can be a large part of our daily expenses.

    For example, in Japan, public transportation is almost operated by private companies. To maintain an operation that companies have to increase ticket prices. Although I have traveled to Japan four times, every time transportation cost accounts for one-third of the total cost. Whereas in China, to maintain the smooth operation of the bus and keep the ticket price relatively low, a part of the funds will be supplied to the bus company by the government every year. For this reason, people don’t have to worry about transportation costs.

    In conclusion, because of competition between companies, the internet has developed very fast. The government no necessary to invest internet access at all.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    August 7, 2020 at 9:12 am

    Score: 65.5

     

    With the accelerating development of technology, the internet has been become a large part of our life. We go shopping online shop online, chat with our friends online, and even pay bills online instead of using cash. Therefore[ Replace it with a word that better connects with the last sentence ], when it comes to whether the[article error  ] government should spend more money to improve Internet access, people hold a positive attitude. From my perspective, however, (use only one transition phrase) it’s more important to improve public transportation.[conflicting/confusing thesis  ]

    Generally speaking, taking public transportation will [tense error  ] spend much more time than private vehicles (unclear sentence – reword). Because [ Put a transitory word/phrase to create better logical flow ] we need to wait for the bus or subway, and sometimes we have to transfer[unclear  ] . However, if the government can[ grammatical error ] add more fleets of buses and expanding the metro routes of the metro, I think we can reduce waiting and commuting times much more time waiting and commuting.[grammatical error with subjunctive voice  ]

    If public transportation is adequately convenient[ grammatical error ] , more and more people would love to choose public transportation vehicles instead of private vehicles. And there is no doubt that we can reduce emissions and the impact of global warming produce less exhaust which causes global warming.

    Form a financial perspective. Because commuters use public transportation we need to use public vehicles almost every day, if the tickets are expensive, the cost of transportation (expensive ticket prices can be a large part of our daily expenses.

    For example, in Japan, public transportation is almost only operated by private companies. To maintain an operation that [ grammatical error ] companies have to increase ticket prices(incomplete sentence). Although I have traveled to Japan four times, and every time transportation has accounted cost accounts for one-third of my budget the total cost. Whereas in China, the government funds public transportation to maintain low prices and a good public transportation service the smooth operation of the bus and keep the ticket price relatively low, a part of the funds will be supplied to the bus company by the government every year. For this reason, people don’t have to worry about transportation costs.

    In conclusion, because of competition between companies, (this is new information, make this part of your argument above) the internet has developed very fast. The [  article error] government no necessary (should not) to invest internet access at all.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    August 7, 2020 at 8:13 pm

    Pending

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