It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation.

  • austin0915
    University: Jilin Agriculture University
    Nationality: Chinese
    February 17, 2021 at 10:00 pm

    It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Widespread internet access gives us great convivence in our life, so as public transportation. Both are essential in our daily activities, in my opinion, however, public transportation quality needs better support and more funds from our government to upgrade. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

    To begin with, public transportation service is crucial for people who are unable to drive, including those without access to personal vehicles, children, individuals with disabilities, and older adults. Not everyone has that luxury to buy a car, especially for students. For instance, I remember I used to take trains and buses to go everywhere I wanted to go in New York city when I was just a college student . Not only I couldn’t afford having a personal vehicle, but using public transportation actually saved me lots of money and it was super convenient. The only disappointing thing to me was that most train stations were kind of dirty and messy. Therefore, I really wish that the government could put some efforts to resolve this problem soon.

    Secondly, public transportation can convey many more people in much less space than individual automobiles, which helps to keep traffic congestion lower, which in turn reduces air pollution from idling vehicles, and helps riders avoid the stress that comes from daily driving in highly congested areas. Can you imagine you spend more than an hour to drive and another 30 minutes just trying to find a parking spot for going to work every day? It is absolutely painful and ridiculous. It is pretty obvious that taking public transportation could reduce chance of getting more stress from going to work and also saves people with tremendous time.

    In conclusion, I strongly feel that our government should consider spending more money on public transportation and lift its quality. It would solve many problems like growing traffic issues and increasing car accident rate. More importantly, everyone can enjoy the ride for going to work and schools without having unnecessary stress.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    February 18, 2021 at 3:00 am

    Score: 55.6

    Issues:

    1. About 45% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
    3. Many unnecessary adverbs.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    austin0915
    University: Jilin Agriculture University
    Nationality: Chinese
    February 18, 2021 at 4:33 am

    Widespread internet access gives us great convivence in our life, so does public transportation. Both are essential in our daily activities, but I personally believe that public transportation needs better support from our government. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

    First, public transportation service is crucial for people who are unable to drive or have no access to personal vehicles. Children, individuals with disabilities, and older adults need those services more than anybody else. Moreover, not everyone has money to buy a car, especially students. For instance, I remember I used to take trains and buses to go everywhere in New York City when I was just a college student. I couldn’t afford to have a personal vehicle, so using public transportation helped save me lots of money. The only disappointing thing to me is that most train stations are kind of dirty and messy. Therefore, I wish that the government can invest some funds to solve this problem soon.

    Secondly, public transportation helps to keep traffic congestion down and reduces air pollution. I can’t imagine myself sitting in a car with an hour traffic just to go to work every day. It is absolutely painful and ridiculous. By taking a train I probably arrive to work faster than driving my car. In addition, it may help me avoid the stress that comes from daily driving. Thus, building more train and bus stations are critical to our society and environment.

    In conclusion, I feel that our government should consider spending more money on public transportation. It would solve many problems for people such as saving time, money and environmentally friendly.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    February 18, 2021 at 3:33 pm

    Widespread internet access gives us great convivence in our life, so does public transportation. Both[ While both ] are essential in our daily activities, but I personally believe that public transportation needs better support from our government. (I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.)[Summarize reasons as a thesis.  ]

    First, public transportation service is crucial for people who are unable to drive or [ who ] have no access to personal vehicles. Children, individuals with disabilities, and older adults need (those services)[ unclear/you used SERVICE in singular form ] more than anybody else[the rest population  ] . Moreover, not everyone has[article error  ] money to buy a car, (especially students)[misplaced  ] . For instance, I remember I used to take [ As a college student, I took ] trains and buses to go everywhere in New York City when I was just a college student. [ since ] I couldn’t afford to have a personal vehicle, so using public transportation helped save me lots of money. The only disappointing thing to me is[ was ] that most train stations are[ tense error ] kind of dirty and messy. Therefore, I wish that the government can invest some funds[fund viable approaches  ] to solve[ solving ] this problem soon.

    Secondly, public transportation helps to keep traffic congestion down and reduces air pollution. I can’t imagine myself sitting[ agonizing ] in a car with[ during ] an-hour traffic just to go[ for going ] to work every day. It is absolutely painful and ridiculous. By taking a train[, however,  ] I probably arrive to work faster than driving my car. In addition, it[unclear pronoun  ] may help me avoid the stress that comes [arising  ] from daily driving. Thus, building more train and bus stations are[ grammatical error ] critical to our society and environment.

    In conclusion, I feel [use a stronger verb  ] that our government should consider spending [ spend/expend ] more money on public transportation. It would solve many problems for people [, which would bring various benefits  ] such as saving time, [ and ] money[, as well as creating a cleaner environment.  ] and environmentally friendly.