It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation.

  • hzy
    University: Shenzhen University
    Nationality: China
    March 28, 2021 at 9:19 am

    It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation.

    Nowadays we are living with COVID-19, when people are encouraged not to stay in public area for safety. In such condition, I incline that it is more important for government to spend money on Internet access improvement than on public transportation.

    Firstly, developing Internet access provides people with more chances for self-aquarantine, which reduces potential infection. As we know, more exposure to the outside world, more likely to be infected.For example, children may touch the seat with virus in the bus on the way to school and get infected. Tragedies like this hit the headlines frequently these days. After this, some Internet accesses enabling numbers of students to take online courses without be disrupted by Internet problems appeared, so students now can study at home. It is expensive to invest such unprofitable tools, so the government had spent money on that. Improving public transportation seems not that useful in such circumstance, because taking public transportation is risky.

    Secondly, spending money on enhancing Internet access guarantees people’s life,especially for the people being fired these days. An increasing number of adults lost jobs and days become harder for them, especially for those living in remote areas without Internet, because they have to take care of children and parents. In order to release their stress, more advanced Internet access is needed. For example, with the government’s help, people in these area could make money by selling products such as chicken and pumpkins on the Internet or directly by video streaming.

    Admittedly, some people may say these poor people also need public transportation for delivering goods, but we have already have a relatively mature transportation system.

    With what mentioned above, I believe that it is more significant for the government to spend money on improving Internet access than on transportation, because such an action has a more conducive impact on protecting people and providing the unemployed with a stable life.

     

    March 30, 2021 at 1:52 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 40% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.