It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation.

  • Joan
    University: soochow university
    Nationality: china
    October 14, 2020 at 1:03 pm

    It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation.

    A controversial issue relating to the allocation of government funds has been brought to the attention of the public.It seems obvious that to many that in this new era of information the government should be concerned with the demand for cheaper,faster and better quality Internet access. Therefore,I strongly hold that it is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access.

    To begin with,if more official funds are created,national culture will have the opportunity to be accepted by the world quickly through the Internet.People come from all over the world can exchange their creative ideas freely on the Internet so that they will be able to take advantage of these communications to disseminate the values of those traditional culture and make them known to foreign friends.Once a traditional culture obtains renown abroad,its influence is considerably extended.Take Beijing Opera as an instance.If such a national treasure could be shown to other nations,it can become a window for the outside world to understand the uniqueness of Chinese culture and value.Consequently,more foreigners can have access to traditional Chinese art and culture,so that Chinese culture can be profoundly developed.

    Besides,the Internet gives people inspirations.Brain workers,including white collars,writers and designers,may be the biggest beneficiaries.The major of their work is based on creativity.To illustrate,my friend Linda is a fashion designer.While she lacks creativity,she usually surfing on the Internet so as to obtain enlightening inspirations.This habit really works well and helps her sketch out many superior-quality blueprints.Therefore,with financial support from the government on internet access,more creative resources could be accessed to people easily.As a result,creativity and vitality can be better injected into the society.

     

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    October 15, 2020 at 8:52 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 75% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 75% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.