When new towns are planned it is more important to build public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time To what extent do you agree or disagree?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing When new towns are planned it is more important to build public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  • naive
    University: hebei technology university
    Nationality: china
    April 10, 2020 at 6:59 am

    When new towns are planned it is more important to build public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    In almost every city and town, there is a similar dilemma for government of how to plan the city’s facilities properly. Whether or not there should be more public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres has caused a heated debate. In my personal view, places for citizens to intimate nature and engage in exercise overweighs those for shopping.

    Let us first consider the pros that public parks can bring to individuals. With rapid trend of citilization, in some towns, there are more moderns buildings and skyscrpers instead of parks . People in such cities suffer from air pollution and that result in health problems. Moreover,the relationship with family and friends is weaken,since everyone’s leisure activities are in front of moniyor screens.

    Likewise, doing sports will have a positive impact on people’s physical health. For example, as more people reach their twilight years they will face increasing health problems. To construct more fundamental sports facilities, it will definitely not only benefit elderly people, but help government save health care money and then invest them in other social services,such as education and civilisation constructure.

    This is not to say that the government should not invest any money in erecting shopping centres. Of course, these services play a role in boosting sales and stimulating economic growth. But with too many big shopping chains, they may have to compete with each other, which may give rise to price fluctuations,and that perhaps will create an economic bubble.

    So to conclude, our government should give priority to keep the public healthy by providing more services for them to do exercise regularly and maintain a healthy relationship with people who they care about. Meanwhile, we can not neglect the positive influence that shopping centres have in economic development. Only by doing so can we ensure we not only have a healthy lifestyle, but utilise modern shopping services properly .

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    April 10, 2020 at 1:01 pm

    Score: 55.7

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    naive
    University: hebei technology university
    Nationality: china
    April 10, 2020 at 4:06 pm

    In almost every city and town, there is a similar dilemma for the government about how to plan the city’s facilities properly. Whether there should be more public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers has caused a heated debate. In my personal view, places for citizens to intimate nature and engage in exercise overweigh those for shopping.

    Let us first consider the pros that public parks can bring to individuals. With a rapid trend of urbanization, in some towns, there are more modern buildings and skyscrapers at every corner instead of public gardens. People in such cities suffer from air pollution, and that results in health problems. Moreover, the relationship with family and friends has weaken, since everyone’s leisure activities are in front of monitor screens.

    Likewise, doing sports will have a positive impact on people’s physical health. For example, we are living in an aging society, as more people reach their twilight years, they will face increasing health problems. To erect more infrastructure facilities like small-sized sports stadiums, it will definitely not only benefit the elderly, but help the government save health care money and then invest them in other social services, such as education and civilization construction.

    This is not to say that the government should not invest any money in erecting shopping centers. Of course, these services play a role in boosting sales and stimulating economic growth. But with too many big shopping chains, they may have to compete with each other, which may give rise to price fluctuations, and that perhaps will create an economic bubble.

    So to conclude, our government should give priority to keeping the public healthy by providing more services for them to do sports and maintain a healthy relationship with people who they care about. Meanwhile, we can not neglect the positive influence that shopping centers have on economic development. Only by doing so can we ensure individuals not only form a good habit of exercising, but make good use of shopping services.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    April 11, 2020 at 3:52 am

    Score: 56.9

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    naive
    University: hebei technology university
    Nationality: china
    April 12, 2020 at 2:24 pm

    How to plan the city’s facilities properly is a dilemma that the government faces. Whether there should be more public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers has caused a heated debate. In my personal view, places for citizens to intimate nature and engage in exercise overweigh those for shopping.

    Let us first consider the pros that public parks can bring to individuals. With a rapid trend of urbanization, in some towns, there are more modern buildings at every corner instead of public gardens. People in such cities suffer from air pollution, and that results in health problems. Moreover, the relationship with family and friends has been weakened, since everyone’s leisure activities are in front of monitor screens.

    Likewise, doing sports will have a positive impact on people’s physical health. For example, we are living in an aging society, as more people reach their twilight years, they will face increasing health problems. To erect more infrastructure facilities like small-sized sports stadiums, it will definitely not only benefit the elderly but help the government save health care money.

    However, I am not to say that the government should not invest any money in erecting shopping centers. Of course, these services play a role in boosting sales and stimulating economic growth. But with too many big shopping chains, they may have to compete with each other, which may give rise to price fluctuations.

    So to conclude, our government should give priority to keeping the public energetic. Meanwhile, we can not neglect the positive influence that shopping centers have on economic development. Only by doing so can we ensure we not only form a good habit of exercising, but make good use of shopping services.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    April 12, 2020 at 3:36 pm

    Score: 61.2

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    naive
    University: hebei technology university
    Nationality: china
    April 12, 2020 at 4:08 pm

    How to plan the city’s facilities properly is a dilemma that the government faces. Whether there should be more public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers has caused a heated debate. In my personal view, places for citizens to intimate nature and engage in exercise overweigh those for shopping.

    Let us first consider the pros that public parks can bring to individuals. With a rapid trend of urbanization, there are more modern buildings in every corner. People in such cities suffer from air pollution, and that results in health problems. Moreover, the relationship with family and friends has been weakened, since everyone spends more time on the internet.

    Likewise, doing sports will have a positive impact on people’s physical health. For example, we are living in an aging society, as more people reach their twilight years, they will face increasing health problems. To erect more infrastructure facilities like small-sized sports stadiums, it will definitely not only benefit the elderly but help the government save health care money.

    However, I am not to say that the government should not invest any money in erecting shopping centers. Of course, these services play a role in boosting sales and stimulating economic growth. But with too many big shopping chains, they may have to compete with each other, which may give rise to price fluctuations.

    So to conclude, our government should give priority to keeping the public energetic. Meanwhile, we can not neglect the positive influence that shopping centers have on economic development. Only by doing so can we ensure we not only form a good habit of doing sports but make good use of shopping services.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    April 13, 2020 at 12:14 am

    Score: 63.3

    How to plan the [article error  ] city’s facilities properly is a dilemma that the[article error  ] government faces. Whether there should be more public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers has caused a heated debate[factual error/ Really? Any media, NYT or CCTV reported that? Don’t fabricate things.  ] . In my personal[ redundant ] view, places for citizens to intimate[logically unclear/it can be both a verb and an adjective  ] nature and engage in exercise overweigh those[unclear  ] for shopping.

    Let us first consider the pros that public parks can bring to individuals. With a rapid trend[ wrong word ] of urbanization, there are more modern buildings in every corner[ wrong word ] . People in such[unclear/not mentioned  ] cities suffer from air pollution, which and that results in health problems. Moreover, the relationship with family and between friends has been [ passive/has weakened ] weakened, since everyone spends more time on the internet.

    Likewise, doing sports will have a positive impact on people’s physical health. For example, we are living in an aging society, [ punctuation error ] as As/since more people reach their twilight years, they will face increasing health problems. To erect more infrastructure facilities like small-sized sports stadiums, it[ unclear pronoun ] will definitely [ useless adverb ] not only benefit the elderly but help the government save health care money.

    However, I am not to say that the government should not invest any money in erecting[ repetition ] shopping centers. Of course, these services (play a role in boosting)[wordy/could boost  ] sales and stimulating  facilitate economic growth. But with too[redundant adverb  ] many big shopping chains, they[ choppy sentence ] may have to compete with each other, which may give rise to price fluctuations.

    So to conclude[wordy  ] , our government should give priority to keeping the public energetic. Meanwhile, we can not[ cannot ] neglect the positive influence that shopping centers have on economic development. Only by doing so, can we ensure we not only form a good habit of doing sports but make good use of shopping services.