Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends.

  • clear stream
    University: University of International Business and Economics
    Nationality: China
    October 15, 2020 at 2:50 am

    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends.

    With the convenience of communication technology, people start to find it easier to keep relationships with their old friends. At the same time, some people tend to neglect the importance of making new friends because they think relationships with old friends are enough for them.

    There is no doubt that people should try to keep their old friends. Old friends usually know you better than your new friends for the reason that you have spent much time together. Compared to getting along with old friends, you have to pay much more attention to understanding your new friends due to the lack of familiarity.

    However, despite the significance of old friends, in my humble opinion, we should spend more time making new friends for the following reasons. First off, when we move to other environments, such as moving to another city or going to university, we have to find someone who can help us adapt the environment. When I first went to my university, everything was unfamiliar to me, so I chatted and made friends with some senior students, who helped me a lot at that point.

    Moreover, making friends with new people can help you broaden your horizons. Usually, your old friends might share similar opinions with you because you used to share the same environment. In this way, if you only continue to keep friends with them, you will have a hard time if you want to get some new information from other points of view. Take me as an example, I always hold the same opinion about the advertisement as my old friends that advertisements are boring and a kind of wasting time. However, after I make friends with a student in my college who majors in  advertisement, I start to understand the value of advertisement which was created to show their products to target customers, and people can know the products they need conveniently through advertisements.

    For all the reasons indicated above, although keeping a relationship with old friends is crucial and meaningful, we are supposed to dedicate more effort to making new friends.

    October 15, 2020 at 3:49 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.
    2. About 55% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    3. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.