Nowadays, there are many new towns. It is more important to provide parks and sports facilities than to provide shopping centers in these new towns for people to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Nowadays, there are many new towns. It is more important to provide parks and sports facilities than to provide shopping centers in these new towns for people to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  • Yorfe Ma
    University: Jiangnan university
    Nationality: China
    May 22, 2020 at 9:44 am

    Nowadays, there are many new towns. It is more important to provide parks and sports facilities than to provide shopping centers in these new towns for people to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    There is much discussion about whether a town should have a shopping market or build parks or gyms to satisfy the need for sports. I disagree with this idea partially, because I think these two kinds of buildings are equally important, so the selection of building depends on the need of the specific town.

    It is undeniable that gyms and parks can really benefit people. If a town only concentrates on building markets for economic progress but ignores the need for sports, it can really bring some adverse effects. For example, people will lose lots of valid ways to do the sports because of lack of professional facilities which can lead to many health issues. So people will spend more money on healthcare or the process of cure which means the standard of living of these people will decrease.

    However, I think the governors should not ignore the advantages of shopping center. This is because it can really make people’s life more convenient. People can access to shopping market easily without cars which means they do not have to spend time on it purposely. For instance, sometimes people feel hungry after work, instead of cooking for themselves or eating some bread they can go to the business areas near their houses for delicious dishes which only takes a little time.

    I think both of these two buildings can be crucial and beneficial to people in specific circumstances, so building either sports facilities or shopping center is totally up to the condition of a town.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    May 22, 2020 at 7:41 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 70% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.