It is only worth watching movies that can teach us something about real life?

Score: ungraded

Issues:

1. About 25% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
2. Lots of grammatical errors. 

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

Social media and the Internet permeate every aspect of modern people’s life, giving people [ them  ]more options than ever in watching [ to watch  ]movies[ poor logical connection between the two clauses  ]. It[  unclear pronoun ] seems that watching movies is a good way to learn things about real life. [bad logical connection   ]Thus, a body of opinion holds that only movies that can teach us something about real life are worth watching. However, many other kinds of movies [ poor comparision vs body of of opinions  ]are artistic, humorous, or fancy, which are also attractive. [ punctuation error with coordinating conjunction  ]So I disagree that movies that can teach us something about real life[repetition   ] are the only category deserving watched[grammatical error   ].

Admittedly, watching movies can help us learn something about real life. Some realistic movies illustrate how the heroes[  word contains multiple meanings  ] deal with relationships in the office or how they conquer difficulties in their life. When we are watching these movies, these[ repetition  ] career tips indeed benefit us. Besides, we can always obtain courage when the hero succeeds at the end of the film. This kind of movie reveals [ article error  ]reality and teaches us a lot[vauge   ]. However, many people watch movies are not [ grammatical eror  ]for learning but[ for  ] entertainment instead.

Some foreign movies exhibit exotic scenery[word form error  ] and tell a historical story[ word form error ]. The contents of this kind of movie are far from our real life. However, by watching these, we can enjoy exotic cultures and watch a fantastic story. Although this[unclear pronoun  ] cannot help us in our real lives, it[unclear pronoun  ] still provides good entertainment for people.

Additionally, action movies are also worth watching because they can offer audiences lots of fun. For example, the series of The Fast and The Furious, one of the most lucrative action movies in the world, has never lost its captivating lure because of the heart-stirring street racing and excitingly violent scenes, the tough guys, and the beauties.[wordy; difficult to read; unclear  ] Although most audiences may not participate in racing in their real lives, they still choose to watch The Fast and The Furious [this film  ]in the theater.

(According to what I have mentioned before)[wrong phrase  ], movies that can teach us something about real life are not the only type worth watching[repetition  ].

[ Lots of errors with singular/plural nouns ]

Streaming media, electronic equipment, and the Internet permeate every aspect of modern people’s life, giving them[ unclear pronoun  ] more options than ever to watch movies.[  It is not a good introduction, which is marginally associated with ‘watching movies’ and ‘real life’. ] Nowadays, people can watch movies not only in the movie theater but also through the Internet.[ irrelevant  ] At the same time, which[Which   ] kind of movie is worth watching has become a concerned question. A body of opinion holds that only movies that can teach us something about real life are worth watching. However, a different opinion[ unmatched comparison  ] thinks[ wrong word  ] that many other kinds of movies[ punctuation error  ] which are artistic, humorous, or fancy, are also attractive. So, I disagree that movies that can teach us something about real life[repetition   ] are the only category worth watching. [ The introductory paragraph contains lots of repetitions.  ]

Admittedly, watching movies can help us learn something about real life[ repetition  ] . Some realistic movies illustrate how the leading roles[wrong word   ] cope with relationships[unclear word   ] in the office or how they conquer difficulties in their life. When we are watching these movies, [ poor logical connection  ] career tips indeed benefit us. Besides, we can always obtain courage when the hero succeeds at the end of the film. However, many people watch movies not for learning but for entertainment.

Many foreign films show exotic customs and tell historical stories. The contents of this kind of movie are far from our real life. However, by watching these[  unclear pronoun ] , we can enjoy exotic cultures and watch a fantastic story. Although these movies cannot help us in our real lives, it [wrong pronoun   ] still provides good entertainment for people.

Additionally, action movies are also worth watching because they can offer audiences[ form error  ] lots of fun. For example, the series of The Fast and The Furious, one of the most lucrative[ unclear word  ] action movies in the world, has never lost its captivating lure because of excitingly[ word form error  ] street racing, the tough guys, and the beauties[ unclear word  ] . Although most audiences[word form error   ] may not participate in racing in their real lives, [ poor logical connection  ] they still choose to watch this film in the theater.

In a conclusion[ wrong phrase  ] , there are many movies worth watching, not just educational ones.

Which kind of movie is worth watching has become a concerned question. A body of opinion[opinions   ] holds that only movies that can teach us something about real life are worth watching. As far as I am concerned, many other kinds of movies, such as artistic, humorous, or[ and  ] fancy movies, are also attractive. So, I disagree with the statement [ that …].

Admittedly, watching movies is helpful to our real life. Some realistic movies illustrate how the characters cope with interpersonal relationships in the office or how they conquer difficulties in their life. When we are watching these movies, [we are likely to get  ]career tips [from them  ]indeed benefit us. Besides, we can always obtain courage when the hero succeeds at the end of the film. However, many people watch movies not for learning but for entertainment. Thus, they prefer to watch interesting movies [ rather ]than educational ones.

Many foreign films show exotic customs and tell historical stories. The contents of this kind of movie are far from our real life. However, by watching these movies, we can enjoy exotic cultures and watch fantastic stories. For instance, The Last Emperor tells a story about Puyi which[who/that  ] is the last emperor in China. The audience can learn nothing about their[unclear pronoun  ] real lives, but they still think highly of this movie. Although these historical movies are not associated with our real life, they still provide good entertainment for people.

Additionally, action movies are also worth watching because they can offer the audience lots of fun. For example, the series of The Fast and The Furious, one of the most profitable action movies in the world, has never lost its captivating lure because of [ the ]exciting street racing, the tough guys, and the beauties. Although most of the audience may not participate in racing in their real lives and racing knowledge is useless for them, they still choose to watch this film in the theater.

In conclusion, there are many movies worth watching, not just educational ones.