It is primarily through our identification with social groups that we define ourselves. Write a response. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position. 

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. GRE Writing It is primarily through our identification with social groups that we define ourselves. Write a response. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position. 

  • HONG YANG
    University: Peking University
    Nationality: China
    July 10, 2020 at 9:15 am

    It is primarily through our identification with social groups that we define ourselves. Write a response. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position. 

    There is a claim that we should define ourselves firstly by our identification with social groups. It is undeniably true that we often realize ourselves through different groups where we work or do research; however, everything is multifaced, a traditional definition of ourselves may be wrong and what constitutes us inherently is influenced by not only social groups but also other perspectives.

    In the first place, social groups help us define ourselves. Sometimes we cannot make sure how great an achievement we can be limited by the environment where we grow up and live. For example, Jack Ma was considering how to build an electronic business company after witnessing a wonderful word connecting everyone on the Internet. He initially got lost in a problem that lacked necessary capital, essential techniques and fundamental manpower to realize his dream. Then a team, including 18 people who were attracted by Ma and became Ma’s earliest employees, offered those important conditions and built the famous Alibaba with Ma. It is convincing to conduct that this group of people help Ma build his dream and define himself as a successful business man.

    However, a conventional realization by other groups on ourselves might be canned even unfair. There were many conflicts among different groups because some groups ruled and disdained other groups and also many resistances. Gandhi called for his adherents to implement nonviolent and noncooperation movements to liberate Indians from colonial rule. Mandela was limited to a small island for 27 years because he tried his best to break apartheid in South Africa. Martin Luther King Jr. promoted the American civil rights movement. Those examples, fighting against discrimination and inequality, indict the enduring identification, some social groups on other groups, could be inimical.

    Finally, from the perspective of individuals, it is possible that identification with social groups might be a misguidance for us. As individuals, we can take Franklin D. Roosevelt as an instance. When Roosevelt ran for Governor, he faced opponents’ doubt his ability to govern a state because he had a disability after fighting a forest fire and jumped into the cold sea. Roosevelt cleverly stated that A Governor did not have to be an acrobat with the ability to do two backflip and a handspring and the work of the governorship was brain work. From the instance of Roosevelt, unfair realization can build wrong definitions of ourselves if we lack the ability to discern it and we must fight with those groups that treat us unequally.

    In sum, it is rational that we define ourselves temperately through identification with social groups because they might help us to take our first step to further achievement. But a correct realization of ourselves cannot arbitrarily rely on others.

    July 10, 2020 at 4:14 pm

    Score: 49.5

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them if needed.
    2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

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