Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was

  • triumph20191998
    University: Whuhan University
    Nationality: Whuhan University
    April 24, 2019 at 3:35 pm

    Topic: Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children.

    What is the life pattern at the time when our grandparents were children like? Someone puts this question on the Internet and soon the question intrigues people’s curiosity and brings a heated discussion about whether life today becomes easier and more comfortable. As for me, there is no doubt that life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when my grandparents were children.

    First of all, no one could ignore the advents of those new technologies during these years. Thanks to those new technologies, life today is much easier and more comfortable. Take the ways of communication for example, when my grandparents were children, telephones were so rare that they only had one telephone in their countryside which makes it harder for my grandparents to communicate with their parents who worked in the city. Also, the old type telephone was immovable, so people might have to walk for a long time to have a call and wait for a recall for a long time at the same place. But now, everyone could afford a portable telephone and you can use it to communicate with anyone you want at any time and an places. By comparing, it is not hard to get the conclusion that life today is more easy and m.

    What’s more, we are living in a period with a much more liberal social environment which also makes today’s life easier and comfortable than before. Conversely, the social rules were very strict for people when my grandparents were children, they had to burden the pressure come from society. For example, my grandmother was the oldest one in her family. At that time, people believed that the oldest child in the family should spend their time to take care of the younger ones. Singing is my grandmother’s favourite during her childhood but she had no time to sing after her brother was born. She had to take care of him because this is her responsibility accordance with the social rules. So her life began to be filled up with studying and caring for her brother and became not as easy and comfortable as before. However, nowadays, we emphasize individual`s liberty and support everyone to do what they want to do. This social environment really helps us to live a easier and more comfortable life.

    In conclusion, life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when my grandparents were children.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    April 24, 2019 at 4:21 pm

    Score: 67

    Suggestions for Improvement

    1. Shorten your essay to 320 words;
    2. Change passive voice to active voices;
    3. Shorten or split sentences exceeding 20 words;
    4. Restrict each paragraph within 85 words.

    Rewrite and resubmit your essay.

    Errors Highlight

    What is the life pattern at the time when our grandparents were children like? Someone puts this question on the Internet and [Punctuation Error]soon the question intrigues people’s curiosity and brings a heated discussion about whether life today becomes easier[Punctuation Error] and more comfortable. As for me, there is no doubt that life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when my grandparents were children.

    First of all, no one could ignore the advents of those new technologies during these years. Thanks to those new technologies, life today is much easier and more comfortable. Take the ways of communication for example, when my grandparents were children, telephones were so rare that they only had one telephone in their countryside which makes it harder for my grandparents to communicate with their parents who worked in the city. [Very-hard-to read sentence] Also, the old type telephone was immovable, so people might have to walk for a long time to have a call and wait for a recall for a long time at the same place. But now, everyone could afford a portable telephone and [Punctuation Error]you can use it to communicate with anyone you want at any time and an places [Grammatical Error]. By comparing, it is not hard to get the conclusion that life today is more easy Grammatical Error]and m.

    What’s more, we are living in a period with a much more liberal social environment which also makes today’s life easier and comfortable than before. Conversely, the social rules were very strict [Verbose ] for people when my grandparents were children, [Punctuation Error] they had to burden the pressure come from society. [Very-hard-to read sentence]For example, my grandmother was the oldest one in her family. At that time, people believed that the oldest child in the family should spend their time to take care of the younger ones. Singing is my grandmother’s favourite during her childhood but[Punctuation Error] she had no time to sing after her brother was born. She had to take care of him because this is her responsibility accordance [Grammatical Error] with the social rules. So her life began to be filled [Passive Voice] up with studying and caring for her brother and became not as easy and comfortable as before. However, nowadays, we emphasize individual`s [Grammatical Error]liberty and support everyone to do what they want to do. This social environment really [Unnecessary Adverb] helps us to live a easier [Grammatical Error] and more comfortable life.

    In conclusion, life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when my grandparents were children.

    triumph20191998
    University: Whuhan University
    Nationality: Whuhan University
    April 26, 2019 at 11:40 am

    What is the life pattern at the time when our grandparents were children like? Recently, this question intrigues people’s curiosity and brings a heated discussion about whether life today becomes easier and more comfortable. As for me, there is no doubt that life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when my grandparents were children.

    First of all, no one could ignore the advents of those new technologies during these years. Thanks to those new technologies, life today is much easier and more comfortable. Take the ways of communication for example, when my grandparents were children, telephones were wired, so they had to be fixed in the house. People had to stay at home to make phone calls, which is really inconvenient. But now, everyone could afford a portable telephone and you can use it to communicate with anyone you want at any places. By comparing, it is not hard to get the conclusion that life today is easier and more comfortable.

    What’s more, we are living in a period with a more liberal social environment which also makes today’s life easier and comfortable than before. Conversely, the social rules were very strict when my grandparents were children. At that time, people believed that the oldest child in the family should sacrifice his spare time to take care of the younger ones. My grandmother was the oldest one in her family and after her brother was born, caring for her brother occupied her leisure time. She couldn’t enjoy hanging with friends or roaming the countryside in her spare time anymore. However, nowadays, we attach importance to liberty and support everyone to do whatever they want to do. This social environment enables us to enjoy an easier and more comfortable life.

    In conclusion, life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when my grandparents were children.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    April 27, 2019 at 7:18 pm

    Score: 65.3 (Great job! The score is lower than the last one, but you shortened your essay significantly.)

    Main Problem:

    1. An excessive number of sentences exceeding 20 words.

    Rewrite and resubmit your essay.

    Errors Highlight

    What is the life pattern at the time when our grandparents were children like? Recently, this question intrigues people’s curiosity and brings a heated discussion about whether life today becomes easier and more comfortable. As for me, there is no doubt that life today is easier[Word Repetition] and more comfortable than it was when my grandparents were children.

    First of all, no one could ignore the advents of those new technologies during these years. Thanks to those new technologies, life today is much easier and more comfortable. Take the ways of communication for example, when my grandparents were children, telephones were wired, so they had to be fixed in the house. People had to stay at home to make phone calls, which is really [Problematic/unnecessary adverb]inconvenient. But now, everyone could afford a portable telephone [punctuation error]and you can use it to communicate with anyone you want at any places. By comparing, it is not hard to get the conclusion that life today is easier [Word Repetition] and more comfortable.

    What’s more, we are living in a period with a more liberal social environment which also makes today’s life easier and comfortable than before. Conversely, the social rules were very strict when my grandparents were children. At that time, people believed that the oldest child in the family should sacrifice his spare time to take care of the younger ones. My grandmother was the oldest one in her family and after her brother was born, caring for her brother occupied her leisure time. She couldn’t enjoy hanging with friends or roaming the countryside in her spare time anymore. However, nowadays, we attach importance to liberty and support everyone to do whatever they want to do. This social environment enables us to enjoy an easier [Word Repetition] and more [Article Error ]comfortable life. [This sentence lacks a comparable object]

    In conclusion, life today is easier [Word Repetition] and more comfortable than it was when my grandparents were children.