• Xiaomeng
    University: 北京邮电大学
    Nationality: 中国
    July 10, 2019 at 1:07 am

    Love is adored and worshiped by every soul, while marriage is necessarily not; love is often the inspiration for odes, while marriage can often be ignored in poets. Love an marriage is the topic that never lacks discussions. We are good at holding a relationship. But the data of divorce rate suggests that many of us may not lucky navigating in a marriage. why is that?

    Love is the pure and happy feeling arising within a soft heart towards another. With love, one feels so strong and nourished that he gains every courage to face up to whatever would happen to life. Marriage is bound by laws which in some sense making it less like a fairy tale. There exist many factors influencing the happiness of a couple.

    Marriage means responsibility. The oath the two individuals take to be a husband and wife on their wedding ceremony is a testament to the beginning of shouldering responsibilities for each other. The first rule is loyalty. No need to attach extra importance to that. Rule number two: supporting and caring for each other. They shall go through ups and downs with hands always holding together. When they have the first child, they bear joint obligations for the baby. Suffering all the chaos every pair of new parents would encounter, they never leave the other one alone in this battle-like journey. Moreover, in many eastern countries, the young couple should not ignore caring for their parents-in-law. Due to differences in many aspects between two generations, getting along with the four elders can so easily pose risks for a young couple’s marriage life that it demands highly for the young couple.

    That being said, marriage is much more serious than love is. Yet in the mind of most Chinese elders, marriage seems easily obtained which evidenced by the boisterousness in matchmaking corners scattering in parks and communities nationwide. They believe in the idea that people should be engaged to peers of their own leagues, which largely has nothing to do with love. Under this background, the element of age have greater sense of presence than love does in decision making. People rush into marriage, and most time, then into divorce the some way.

    It is undeniable that on many occasions, people have to make compromises to the harsh reality.  But love in any case should be considered first. The pure sentiment has the magic of rendering bitterness to sweetness, injecting vigor into a tortured soul till it regathers enough energy.

    But love can be fragile. Lucky people who are married with love can also end up getting divorced. Bread and milk in daily life can wear down love that has not been tested. Only true love is blessed and can survive rises and falls. Love also treasures responsibility, sometimes even more largely than marriage does.

    There was a sentence once emerging popular because of two famous entertainment figures:Being in love is easy, being married is not. It is to be cherished. All in all, love should be the reason of getting married, and marriage should be the shield protecting love.

    July 11, 2019 at 2:19 am

    Score: 69.9

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
    • Avoid using consecutive sentences;
    • Restrict each paragraph to 85 words;
    • Shorten the essay to -320 words.

    Problems Highlight

    Love is adored and worshiped [spelling error]by every soul, while marriage is necessarily not; love is often the inspiration for odes, while marriage can often be ignored [Passive].in poets. [Verbose]Love an [article error]marriage is the topic that never lacks discussions[word form error]. We are good at holding a relationship. [punctuation error]But the data of divorce rate suggests that many of us may not lucky navigating in a marriage[grammatical error]. why is that?
     
    Love is the pure and happy feeling arising within a soft heart towards another. With love, one feels so strong and nourished that he gains every courage to face up to whatever would happen to life. Marriage is bound by laws which in some sense making it less like a fairy tale[grammatical error]. There exist many factors influencing the happiness of a couple.
     
    Marriage means responsibility. The oath the two individuals take to be a husband and wife on their wedding ceremony is a testament to the beginning of shouldering responsibilities for each other. [Verbose]The first rule is loyalty. No need to attach extra importance to that. Rule number two: supporting and caring for each other. They shall go through ups and downs with hands always holding together. When they have the first child, they bear joint obligations for the baby. Suffering all the chaos every pair of new parents would encounter, they never leave the other one alone in this battle-like journey. Moreover, in many eastern countries, the young couple should not ignore caring for their parents-in-law. Due to differences in many aspects between two generations, getting along with the four elders can so easily pose risks for a young couple’s marriage life that it demands highly for the young couple.[Verbose]
     
    That being said, [Passive].marriage is much more serious than love is. Yet in the mind of most Chinese elders, marriage seems easily obtained which evidenced by the boisterousness in matchmaking corners scattering in parks and communities nationwide.[Verbose] They believe in the idea that people should be engaged [Passive].to peers of their own leagues, which largely has nothing to do with love. Under this background, the element of age have [grammatical error][article error]greater sense of presence than love does in decision making. People rush into marriage, and most time, then into divorce the some [wrong usage]way.
     
    It is undeniable that on many occasions, people have to make compromises to the harsh reality.  But love in any case should be considered [Passive].first. The pure sentiment has the magic of rendering bitterness to sweetness, injecting vigor into a tortured soul till it regathers enough energy. [Verbose]
     
    But love can be fragile. Lucky people who are married [Passive].with love can also end up getting divorced. Bread and milk in daily life can wear down love that has not been tested.[Passive]. Only true love is blessed [Passive].and can survive rises and falls. Love also treasures responsibility, sometimes even more largely than marriage does.
     
    There was a sentence once emerging popular because of two famous entertainment figures:Being in love is easy, being married[Passive]. is not. It is to be cherished [Passive]. All in all, love should be the reason of [wrong preposition]getting married, and marriage should be the shield protecting love.

     

    Comment: I will make no further revision on this essay[There are numerous grammatical, syntactic, factual and logical problems left] since it is not a response to an IELTS essay prompt.