Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on society.

Score: 78.7

Nowadays, there has been a decrease of the time people spending [ grammatical error ]in their homes. I believe the high cost of living and people’s awareness of being healthy are the main reasons. It [ unclear pronoun-change to noun/noun phrase ](makes a positive influence on) [wordy/positively influence/impact  ]individuals and society.

The first reason of people staying home less often is that the living cost is higher than before. People have to pay more for housing, eating, education and so on. In order to afford [ article error ]cost of living, they need to go out and work hard instead of staying at home. As a result, they spend less time in their houses.

Another cause is that people are more concerned about their health today. They find it enjoyable and entertaining to take exercise outdoors to strengthen their bodies. For example, in/during their spare time, they prefer to do jogging, take a brisk walk or play badminton in the park rather than watch TV at home.

This trend is good for [vague-use stronger verb  ] individuals and society. For individuals, if they hang out at home, they will become fat and even get obesity[word form error  ][ grammatical error for subjunctive voice ]. It[ unclear pronoun – Engaging in sports actively benefits them… ] is beneficial for them to do sports more often. Besides, people can make more money by working hard, so the standard of living will be improved[ passive- will improve ], which is good for [ repetition/BE verb ]the whole society.

In conclusion, [ article error ]increasing[word form  ] cost of living[  repetition] and people’s awareness of health[ repetition ] lead to [  tense error]this trend. In my opinion, this is a great trend both personally and socially[ unclear ].

Score: 75.6

Issues:

1. Lots of choppy sentences.

Nowadays, there has been a decrease in the time people spending [ grammatical error ] in their homes [absolute writing  ] . I believe the high cost of living and people’s (awareness of being healthy) [wordy  ] are the main reasons [logical incompleteness  ] . [ lack of transitory word ] (People consuming more time at home) [ unclear ] positively impact individuals and society.

(The first reason of people staying home less often is that) [ wordy ] the living cost is higher than [ missing a pronoun ] before. People Since people have to pay more for housing, eating, education and so on. In order to afford the cost of living, they need to go out and work hard instead of staying at home. As a result, they spend less time in their houses.

Another cause [ logically incomplete ] is that people are more concerned about their health today. [ lack of logical connection with the prior sentence ] They find it enjoyable and entertaining to take exercise outdoors to strengthen their bodies. For example, during their spare time, they [too many pronouns  ] prefer to do jogging, take a brisk walk or play badminton in the park rather than watch TV at home.

This trend is good for benefits for both individuals and society. For individuals, if they hung out [incorrect phrase  ] at home, they would become fat and even get obesity [wordy  ] they would be likely to gain weight. [ lack connection word ] Engaging in sports actively benefits [ word repetition ] them (a lot) [ informal writing ] . Besides, people can make more money by working hard, so their standards of living will improve, which is conducive [ wrong word ] to the whole society.

In conclusion,  the increase in living expenses and people’s consciousness of health has led to (this trend) [ repetition ] . In my opinion, this is a great trend [ repetition ] for both individuals and the society.

Summary: You need to read more English newspapers/literature to vary your vocabulary.