TPO 41: Many scientists believe it would be possible to maintain a permanent human presence on Mars or the Moon.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing TPO 41: Many scientists believe it would be possible to maintain a permanent human presence on Mars or the Moon.

  • Anne e
    University: Tianjin Medical University
    Nationality: China
    January 17, 2021 at 1:14 pm

    TPO 41: Many scientists believe it would be possible to maintain a permanent human presence on Mars or the Moon.

    The reading passage and the lecture both talk about whether it would be possible to maintain a permanent human presence on Venus. The reading passage claims that the conditions on Venus are so extreme,which impossible for human living. However, the lecture suggests that we can establish a station 15 kilometers above the surface to solve the problems.

    First, the reading passage claims that the atmospheric pressure at Venus’ surface is much greater than at Earth’s. All the spacecraft and stations humans might land on Venus would be crushed. The lecture explains that the higher the station, the lower the atmospheric pressure. So if we build a station 15 kilometers above the surface, the pressure is the same as on Earth. Therefore, even under extreme pressure, the spacecraft will be in good condition.

    Second, the reading passage concerns that we do not have enough water and oxygen on Venus. However, we can use chemical materials such as carbon dioxide and sulfuric acid in the Venus atmosphere to produce water and oxygen for use. So, water and oxygen will not be a problem.

    Third, the reading passage mentions that very little sunlight reaches the planet’s surface. Nonetheless, the lecture says that the clouds around the station 15 kilometers high will not be thick anymore, so the light can get through it to reach the station. The clouds can also reflect sunlight. Therefore, the station can absorb light both above the station and the reflected light below the station.

    January 17, 2021 at 4:33 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Lots of grammatical and article errors.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    January 17, 2021 at 4:34 pm

    [Both the  ]The reading passage and the lecture both talk about[/discuss  ] whether it would be possible to maintain [ the possibility of maintaining ] a[article error  ] permanent human presence on Venus. The reading passage claims that the conditions on Venus are (so extreme,which impossible)[grammatical error  ] for (human living)[ grammatical error ]. However, the lecture suggests that we[ /scientists ] can establish a station 15 kilometers above (the surface)[ unclear ] to solve the problems[you only mentioned one problem  ].

    First, the reading passage claims[repetition  ] that the atmospheric pressure at Venus’ surface is much greater than (at Earth’s)[inaccurate comparison  ]. [ lack of connection with the prior sentence ]All the [ article error ]spacecraft and stations humans might land on Venus would be crushed. The lecture explains that the higher the station[grammatical error  ], the lower the atmospheric pressure[ grammatical error ]. [punctuation error with conjunction word  ]So if we build[grammatical error/subjunctive  ] a station 15 kilometers above (the surface)[unclear  ], the pressure is[grammatical error  ] the same as (on Earth)[incorrect comparison  ]. Therefore, even under [ article error ]extreme pressure, the [article error  ]spacecraft will be in good condition.

    Second, the reading passage concerns[grammatical error  ] that we[wrong word  ] (do not have)[replace with one verb  ] enough water and oxygen on Venus. However, we[wrong word  ] can use chemical materials such as carbon dioxide and sulfuric acid in the Venus atmosphere to produce water and oxygen for use. [ punctuation error with conjunction word ]So, (water and oxygen)[ unclear ] will not be a problem.

    Third, the reading passage mentions that very little sunlight reaches the planet’s surface. Nonetheless, the lecture says that the clouds around the station 15 kilometers high will not be thick anymore, so the light can get[use a formal word  ] through it[unclear pronoun  ] to reach the station. [The clouds can also reflect sunlight. Therefore, the station (can absorb light both above the station and the reflected light)[  unclear] below the station.][combine choppy sentences  ]