More and more people buy and use their own car. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh its disadvantages for the environment?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing More and more people buy and use their own car. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh its disadvantages for the environment?

  • Monster
    University: wuhan
    Nationality: china
    June 22, 2019 at 6:47 am

    Mary is testing her new car by driving it across a river.

    IELTS Writing Topic: More and more people buy and use their own car. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh its disadvantages for the environment?

    The rising number of private cars leads to an ongoing debate about whether people should say no to private cars for a better environment. However, some reviews think the trend of individual driving will bring various benefits for both economy and society. From my perspective, the second view is more acceptable, and here are several reasons below.

    With the development of economy, there is a huge increase in individual salaries. Therefore, the rising income encourages quantities of people to purchase more goods to develop their quality of life, including buying their own cars. Generally, private cars can strengthen the macro-economy since they devote huge consumption for GDP. Besides, individual cars help adults improve their effectiveness on work and study. The cars will save tons of time which used to be wasted for public traffic congestion. For those who are fond of traveling, driving will provide a better experience than go on using public transports, where the schedule is limited and price is quite high.

    What should be stressed next is that driving private cars have little harm to eco-system, compared with some other pollutions. According to some environment reports, the biggest factor which causes environmental problem is the huge number of factories. Cars contribute less than 10% for air pollution. Instead, there is a trend that dozens of cars industries begin to use new energies, including Tesla, NIO and Audi, etc. It is clear that solar energy and electric energy are new rising points for car industry.

    To sum up, there is no deny that environmental issue is complex, but people are not supposed to blame all on private cars.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    June 23, 2019 at 3:22 am

    Score: 59.4

    Suggestions for Improvement

    1. Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
    2. Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.

    Problems Highlight

    The rising number of private cars leads to an ongoing debate about whether people should say no to private cars for a better environment. However, some reviews think the trend of individual driving will bring various benefits for both[Article error] economy and society. From my perspective, the second view is more acceptable, and here are several reasons below.

    With the development of economy, there is a huge increase in individual salaries. Therefore, the rising income encourages quantities of people to purchase more goods to develop their quality of life, including buying their own cars. [Verbose]Generally, private cars can strengthen the macro-economy since they devote huge[repetition] consumption for GDP.[Verbose] Besides, individual cars help adults improve their effectiveness on work and study. The cars [repetition]will save tons of time which used to be wasted [Passive]for public traffic congestion. For those who are fond of traveling[Non-British Spelling], driving will provide a better experience than go on using public transports, where the schedule is limited Passive]and[Article error] price is quite high.[Verbose]

    What should be stressed [Passive] next is that driving private cars have little harm to eco-system, compared with some other pollutions. According to some environment reports, the biggest factor which causes[Article error] environmental problem is the huge number of factories. [Verbose]Cars contribute less than 10% for air pollution. Instead, there is a trend that dozens of cars industries begin to use new energies, including Tesla, NIO and Audi, etc. [Verbose]It is clear that solar energy and electric energy are new rising points for[Article error] car industry.[Verbose]

    To sum up, there is no deny [Grammatical Error]that environmental issue is complex, but people are not supposed to blame all on private cars.

    Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted. Please revise and resubmit your essay.

     

     

    Monster
    University: wuhan
    Nationality: china
    June 25, 2019 at 8:17 am

    After increasing for hundreds of years, the number of private cars leads to a debate between car owners and environment protectors. Whereas, I believe private cars are helpful in many aspects, even in coping with environmental problems.

    In the first place, the trend of private cars has resulted in extreme benefits on macro-economy. Car industry provide a great number of jobs for ordinary people. For example, thousands of part-time taxi drivers start their career after getting one new private car. Applied engineers can get a wonderful position in car company after graduate. Besides, buying a car means kinds of development on quality of life. For instance, it arises working efficiency, since it helps us spend less time on commute. Plus, it is of great joy for car owners when driving during holidays, which allow tourists to enjoy freedom and explore the nature.

    Next, which worth mentioning is that driving private cars do little harm to eco-system, compared with some other pollutions. According to some environment reports, there is no deny that factories are the biggest factor, accounting for air pollution. However, private cars contribute less than 10% to it. In contrast, several car brands plan to develop new-energy cars, which produce less waste air. For example, Tesla has made a variety of electric cars, helping drivers remove 30% usage of energy.
    To sum up, environmental issues are complex, but people are not supposed to blame all on private cars. Anyway, it is a global trend that cars producers are more responsible for society and environment.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    June 27, 2019 at 8:46 pm

    Score: 60

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.

    Problems Highlight

    After increasing for hundreds of years, the number of private cars leads to a debate between car owners and environment protectors. Whereas, I believe private cars are helpful in many aspects, even in coping with environmental problems.

    In the first place, the trend of private cars has resulted in extreme benefits on [Preposision error] macro-economy. Car industry provide[grammatical error] a great number of jobs for ordinary people. For example, thousands of part-time taxi drivers start their career after getting one new private car. Applied engineers can get a wonderful position in [article error]car company after graduate. Besides, buying a car means kinds of development on [article error]quality of life. For instance, it arises working efficiency, since it helps us spend less time on[article error] commute. Plus, it is of great joy for car owners when driving during holidays, which allow tourists to enjoy[article error] freedom and explore the nature.

    Next, which worth [grammatical error]mentioning is that driving private cars do [grammatical error]little harm to[article error] eco-system,[punctuation error] compared with some other pollutions. According to some environment reports, there is no deny[grammatical error] that factories are the biggest factor, accounting for air pollution. However, private cars contribute less than 10% to it. In contrast, several car brands plan to develop new-energy cars[repetition], which produce less waste air. For example, Tesla has made a variety of electric cars[repetition], helping drivers remove 30% usage of energy.

    To sum up, environmental issues are complex, but people are not supposed to blame all on private cars. Anyway, it is a global trend that cars producers are more responsible for society and [article error]environment.

    Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision.  Regards.